How can one live in these times, which very well might be the end times, without maintaining a state of readiness and a philosophy of war, a warrior's creed, if not for fighting then at least for self defense.
The Warrior's Creed: I will fiercely defend Life, Strength, and Value and combat any person, idea, or foe, that threatens them.
Circulating in the population for those with strong values is not a very appealing prospect even during these times that are supposed to full of "Christmas cheer." For the most part that "cheer" is nothing more than an illusion. On the whole people are malicious, self-centered, hostile, inconsiderate, petty, and extraordinarily childish. Where is the "Christmas cheer" in that? I realize that some will claim that one should "rise above" such things, and be the better man, blah, blah, blah. But why? Why must rational individuals work so hard just to get along in society? And, make no mistake about it, you must work hard and struggle every minute of the day because you will constantly confront what could easily be called the forces of evil, not evil in the strictly religious sense, but evil in the sense of the hideous gargoyles that persist in attacking the foundations of reason: they are the gargoyles of vulgarity, of indifference, of obnoxiousness, of self-indulgence, all of the things that the rational individual will confront each day.
Most people seem perfectly content with the superficial life, which makes it all the more difficult for serious men. Superficiality rules probably because it is safe. Holding a conviction makes one stand out and easily subject to ridicule.
For example, you will be easily ridiculed if you write a blog that does not regurgitate anything that is not currently popular. And, if you state an opinion that does not say "its all good" in some way, few will want to read. No one wants to hear that life in society is a sham and that people spend more time practicing graft than they do at practicing compassion. They have far too much of their lives, their glass castles, invested in society as it is. It cannot be false and fake. Can't it?
For example, I am developing a screenplay and building an acting career because I believe in the power of films to enlighten and inspire among other reasons. I am living in an apartment to save a little money right now. Apartment living is one of the worst experiences I have ever had. Why? People. There are more people in close proximity and when people are nearby they ridiculously believe that they have a right to know everything about you, to meddle in your affairs, to manhandle your property, and otherwise make a nuisance of themselves. It does not matter that I mind my own business and leave others alone. And, if I did not maintain a warrior philosophy with a willingness to fight any idea that would attempt to destroy my strength, will, and mental balance, I would probably accept the conventional party line that "they are just trying to be neighborly" when I catch them stealing my shoes--yes someone stole my shoes--cutting my clothesline, or keeping me awake at night with incessant radio playing. Now, most cogs would ask, "what did you do to them." In fact, once when I called the police one of the officers asked me this question, implying that there is some rational reason behind what people do. You would think that people like Hitler never existed to prove that people very often do things for irrational and unjustifiable reasons.
So, there I was, the person who called the police being questioned like a criminal because my "neighbors" in their attempt to be "neighborly" and deflect the attention from them onto me, said that I was the "bad" guy because I did not speak to them when they asked questions or say hello or because I put signs in my window that read "no trespassing." What all of these have to do with the reason I called the police: one of the obnoxious big mouths was trying to pick a fight with someone else.
Who would want to communicate with such people? As for the signs, who wouldn't want to put up a sign after coming home to find someone peering in your window. But, try to communicate such things to people at large and they'll simply say "it's no big deal." Well, it is precisely that kind of attitude that allows people to continue behaving poorly until it is too late. Again, I cite Hitler.
And, what happens when you try to work within the system? Well, for months my upstairs "neighbor" has been playing a radio loud enough to hear down the street throughout the night, and I mean throughout the night. Oh, did I mention that he is unemployed? Now, how he pays for an apartment, food, etc. might seem like a mystery until I mention that Welfare keeps such people alive and allows them to disturb the very people who keep them alive. It is insane.
So, I left a note on the slug's bike--an old rusty, bike from the 1920's that he rides in the rain, in the dark, and in the snow to buy booze. It was not an impolite note. It simply stated for him to lower the volume of his radio or use headphones. Later that day I found my note taped to a window in the laundry room with his scribble on it "Thanks." This was not thank you in the form of politeness, but in the form of malice. You know the kind that is popular in America where everybody's a smart ass, until they get their asses kicked and then it is poor me. This morning the note was crumbled and tossed at my door step. Now let's have a closer look at the "humans" that every one says are so "kind" and "good."
This individual took the time to take my note and re-post it with the scribble of a third grader on it. By the way, he is old enough to be my father. I should feel sorry for him? Bullshit. Instead of simply lowering the volume of his radio, he spent the time and energy just to send me a message, which I ignored as far as he is concerned anyway. To top it off, he crumbled the paper and held it all night just to dump it on my doorstep. Now, when this kind of petty behavior characterizes such a large part of the population, a malicious, indifferent, offensive behavior, what other philosophy would be appropriate except for that of the warrior? I do not say that it is rational to take a shotgun and blow his brains out. Although, it is certainly easy to understand why such violence is so prevalent. Again, everyone makes a big deal about the incidents at Columbine or Virginia Tech as if it is so difficult to understand why people snap when other storment them. I am certainly not advocating this type of violence and, clearly the perpetrators of these crimes had serious mental problems. But, many people do seem quite stupid to believe that peoplecan be abused indefinitely without any consequences. Abuse seems to characterize human relations more than anything else.
As for myself, I will move very soon, and I refuse to respond to such infantile actions. These guys are real pussies, and I would not waste my time. But, it does show the kinds of things that rational people are up against in this world, particularly in America where so-called adults seem to have reached new heights in childishness. This is no doubt why my blog is big in foreign countries where people have a better understanding about human nature and are generally more philosophical about life. Americans tend to be quite dumb and lazy. And, lest you think that my situation is unique or a consequence of living in a bad neighborhood. The crime rate in my neighborhood is 40% of the average which is quite low, and it is a city of only 100,000. One of the Republican candidates for President, Mike Huckabee, once quipped: if your neighbor tells you not to vote for that Huckabee guy, then shovel your snow in his driveway. This from someone who is supposed to be a minister and in a party that advocates respect for the property of others. It's all bullshit, and it's everywhere. LSV.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Strength
In a previous post I wrote about Sex. One of the points made there was the importance of developing strength for health in one's life. Strength can lead to kind of man that Clint Eastwood portrays in High Plains Drifter. In the movie there is a barber scene. Three men wait to walk in to harass him when they think he is helpless. That says it all. The attitude that one has the right to harass someone else is a particularly prevalent idea these days. It is even more telling that the dirty bastards waited until they thought the High Plains Drifter was helpless before taking an action. That is all-too-common.
Now, this may be a movie. However, one can often learn more about life from a good movie or a good book than from all of the so-called teachers over an entire lifetime. Now, cultural conventions would say that Mr. Eastwood's character is the good guy and should fight "fair." Well, what does "fair" really mean? A very great martial arts teacher often says that "fair is a four-letter word." That sentiment is the best that I have ever been taught. It says it all. Too often concepts like 'fairness' and 'mercy' are used to allow individuals to escape the consequences of their own attitudes and action. For example, another point that my martial arts teacher taught us regularly was the fact that those who ask for mercy--in this case the concept that combatants should "be the better man" (oh! how often have I heard that bullshit) and show mercy to someone that tries to mug or rape you. The concept of foregiveness is also often used in similar circumstances.
My martial arts often made a point that I took very much to heart because it was only confirmed by my independent experience: if someone has to ask for mercy it is already too late; for why would one allow himself to commit an act that would require mercy? There is plenty of time for someone to show restraint. If he does not, then why should others compensate for it. The answer is rational people would not.
Mercy is based on the precept of altruism, that it is somehow noble to sacrifice one's values for the sake of others. This is a notion that dies hard. However, if life and survival are your primary goals, you would do well to question such concepts at their core. That of course requires a certain level of independence. And, independence of course requires strength, which brings us back to the main point of this entry.
Life and health greatly depend on mental strength because most of society's conventions seem contrarcy to independence and individuality. This is not to say that one must become as brutish as others seem to be. It simply means that self-defense and self-preservation should be your primary goals as it was for the High Plains Drifter. However, this is something you have to think about in advance. Otherwise, you will unwittingly go alone with society's program for your subjugation, and that often means the more you have to give, the more you are supposed to give; and similarly the less you are supposed to receive. When the mafia does things like this it is called extortion. Yet, somehow when people use guilt to make you feel bad for demanding quiet in a library, for not giving money to a bum, for not breaking your back to help the so-called meek, that kind of racket is perfectly acceptable. Well, I am here to say IT IS NOT.
The great thing about Clint Eastwood's movies, so many of them: Dirty Harry, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Pale Rider, the list goes on, his character has his values firmly in place. He was not a bully. He was not tyrant. He was not a manipulator. But, he would not be manipulated because he defined his own values. This was the essence of so many of Clint Eastwood's characters, and it is the essence of strength and individuality.
Usually 'fair' means that one should follow the hand-me-down cultural precepts to the point of self-destruction so that while you are busy being "fair" and doing "the right thing" to "make things whole" the other guy is doing whatever he pleases. Now, if Mr. Eastwood's character in High Plains Drifter had fought "fair" he would be dead. No more movie. But, more than that he would not have survived in the world as it is. A lot of lessons come out of this. Not only does this show why it is important to question second-hand conventions, but it demonstrates that one would be better off taking a decidedly combative approach to life. It is not that one's life will be at stake in all situations. It does mean that it is better to be on guard at all times. The Japanese Samurai had a similar attitude. It was common for the Japanese Samurai to sleep with their swords. In some cases they even worked with colleagues to train who would attempt to attack them with real swords while they slept to keep them sharp. While you may not be able to do such things today, you most certainly can adopt a similar attitude for self-protection and self-preservation.
In High Plains Drifter, Mr. Eastwood's character had a piece of wood in his holster as it hung on a hook, while he had a beautiful single action revolver under the barber's bib. When the bad guys made a move, blam! blam! blam! Beautiful. Just what they deserved. Clint Eastwood's movies are so great not just because of what they can teach you about life, but because of the simplicity of the values they stress. He is also a fantastic actor and director.
The Development of Strength
One of the best ways to develop mental strength is through weight training. Without weight training and martial arts, I do not know how I would have come this far. One of the best exercises for the development of overall strength is the clean and jerk. While other full body exercises like the squat and the deadlift develop strength for health and combat, the clean and jerk also develops flexibility in addition to explosive power. What makes weight training tremendously useful in developing strength is when you fight hard to lift a new weight, your struggle will result in conquering the new weight. That not only builds strength, but it builds confidence. Never before have both more needed in a society that grows increasingly antagonistic toward rational values and rational individuals. LSV
Now, this may be a movie. However, one can often learn more about life from a good movie or a good book than from all of the so-called teachers over an entire lifetime. Now, cultural conventions would say that Mr. Eastwood's character is the good guy and should fight "fair." Well, what does "fair" really mean? A very great martial arts teacher often says that "fair is a four-letter word." That sentiment is the best that I have ever been taught. It says it all. Too often concepts like 'fairness' and 'mercy' are used to allow individuals to escape the consequences of their own attitudes and action. For example, another point that my martial arts teacher taught us regularly was the fact that those who ask for mercy--in this case the concept that combatants should "be the better man" (oh! how often have I heard that bullshit) and show mercy to someone that tries to mug or rape you. The concept of foregiveness is also often used in similar circumstances.
My martial arts often made a point that I took very much to heart because it was only confirmed by my independent experience: if someone has to ask for mercy it is already too late; for why would one allow himself to commit an act that would require mercy? There is plenty of time for someone to show restraint. If he does not, then why should others compensate for it. The answer is rational people would not.
Mercy is based on the precept of altruism, that it is somehow noble to sacrifice one's values for the sake of others. This is a notion that dies hard. However, if life and survival are your primary goals, you would do well to question such concepts at their core. That of course requires a certain level of independence. And, independence of course requires strength, which brings us back to the main point of this entry.
Life and health greatly depend on mental strength because most of society's conventions seem contrarcy to independence and individuality. This is not to say that one must become as brutish as others seem to be. It simply means that self-defense and self-preservation should be your primary goals as it was for the High Plains Drifter. However, this is something you have to think about in advance. Otherwise, you will unwittingly go alone with society's program for your subjugation, and that often means the more you have to give, the more you are supposed to give; and similarly the less you are supposed to receive. When the mafia does things like this it is called extortion. Yet, somehow when people use guilt to make you feel bad for demanding quiet in a library, for not giving money to a bum, for not breaking your back to help the so-called meek, that kind of racket is perfectly acceptable. Well, I am here to say IT IS NOT.
The great thing about Clint Eastwood's movies, so many of them: Dirty Harry, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Pale Rider, the list goes on, his character has his values firmly in place. He was not a bully. He was not tyrant. He was not a manipulator. But, he would not be manipulated because he defined his own values. This was the essence of so many of Clint Eastwood's characters, and it is the essence of strength and individuality.
Usually 'fair' means that one should follow the hand-me-down cultural precepts to the point of self-destruction so that while you are busy being "fair" and doing "the right thing" to "make things whole" the other guy is doing whatever he pleases. Now, if Mr. Eastwood's character in High Plains Drifter had fought "fair" he would be dead. No more movie. But, more than that he would not have survived in the world as it is. A lot of lessons come out of this. Not only does this show why it is important to question second-hand conventions, but it demonstrates that one would be better off taking a decidedly combative approach to life. It is not that one's life will be at stake in all situations. It does mean that it is better to be on guard at all times. The Japanese Samurai had a similar attitude. It was common for the Japanese Samurai to sleep with their swords. In some cases they even worked with colleagues to train who would attempt to attack them with real swords while they slept to keep them sharp. While you may not be able to do such things today, you most certainly can adopt a similar attitude for self-protection and self-preservation.
In High Plains Drifter, Mr. Eastwood's character had a piece of wood in his holster as it hung on a hook, while he had a beautiful single action revolver under the barber's bib. When the bad guys made a move, blam! blam! blam! Beautiful. Just what they deserved. Clint Eastwood's movies are so great not just because of what they can teach you about life, but because of the simplicity of the values they stress. He is also a fantastic actor and director.
The Development of Strength
One of the best ways to develop mental strength is through weight training. Without weight training and martial arts, I do not know how I would have come this far. One of the best exercises for the development of overall strength is the clean and jerk. While other full body exercises like the squat and the deadlift develop strength for health and combat, the clean and jerk also develops flexibility in addition to explosive power. What makes weight training tremendously useful in developing strength is when you fight hard to lift a new weight, your struggle will result in conquering the new weight. That not only builds strength, but it builds confidence. Never before have both more needed in a society that grows increasingly antagonistic toward rational values and rational individuals. LSV
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Sex
Yesterday I reread a book entitled Sex Without Guilt by Dr. Albert Ellis, and it occurred to me what is missing in life: freedom. In this book he talks about many things pertaining to how to enjoy sex like a relatively well-adjusted adult and relatively free from emotional problems. He makes a strong case for thinking seriously about adultery. Obviously everyone says that adultery is "wrong." Therefore, many people do it anyway and try to hide it. The point that Dr. Ellis makes that no one else ever has--at least not to me--is the behavior of trying to hide adultery is wrong not necessarily the adultery itself. This is an extraordinary assertion even in our times where many people--particularly women--consider themselves to be sexually sophisticated. In point of fact this is still a very prudish society that incessantly drills the virtue of marriage and of monogamy to the point that if people do freely engage in sexual relations, they try to keep it quiet. Dr. Ellis' point is revolutionary for another perhaps bigger reason: he implies a challenge to the dominating conventions, and that implies freedom. In other words, he does not accept the prevailing conventions like a mindless dolt vociferously protecting any challenge to the status quo like so many others. It is easy to understand why so many people protect conventions rather than questioning them. The moment questions a dominating cultural idea like one ought to be married before engaging in sex, one runs the risk questioning one's entire world view. That is too much for most people to handle. So, even though an idea may be utterly ridiculous, many people will accept it and attack anyone who presents an alternative. Such is the way of the "free" world.
Dr. Ellis is fantastic because his goal is mental health for people. It is a noble goal. It is a good goal to have in life. However, to have this goal often puts you at odds with a great many other people who have a vested interest in maintaining neuroses and other forms if illness. Did you ever ask yourself for example why so many women find so called "bad" boys attractive while rebuking the advances of clean, strong, intelligent men? Or, why those who build themselves up to be strong, rational, decent people are excoriated? Ayn Rand called it the hatred of the good for being good. It is that, but it is more. For, it seems that a great many people would prefer to hold onto their neuroses and other forms of illness, in other words to remain weak and decrepit, rather than exerting the effort to build themselves up to be strong and wise. Why? Inertia, laziness, indifference, call it what you will. But, in general people would rather not try than to try. Therefore, anyone with flaws is welcome, and the more flaws the better because no one wants to feel that you are better than them, that your "shit don't stink" as has been said more than once to me.
You see, you are not meant to be strong, confident, wise, intelligent, or clean. You are supposed to be like Forrest Gump . That makes people feel comfortable. But, this curious phenomenon makes one ask, why does strength make people uncomfortable? Moreover, why do so many people hate self-improvement?
If you are man with an earring--better yet two--tattoos, you drink, smoke, are overweight, use drugs, or anything to make "your shit stink" then you are a "real bro." The girls will love you. Employers will promote you. And, everyone will say what a "great guy you are." Why? Because it makes them feel less like losers. That is the stark truth of it. Knowing this is liberating in a sense. But, on the other hand it is extraordinarily frustrating; for what is the point of life if not self-enhancement and personal cultivation? What value does life have without an ideal? If you are to follow the dominant cultural attitudes, it is better for you not to have an ideal. That is the message. For, your reward for strenghth, health, intelligence, self-dignity, will be alienation. The less of these you possess, the more riches society will shower upon you. Most people take the riches discard the rest. In some case, I cannot say that I blame them. But, it does make it more difficult for those who desire to cultivate personal integrity and other important values like truth, justice, and common sense.
For these reasons and others, life, strength, and value are even more important for a healthy life. However, the only way to develop these elements, is to question cultural conventions. Does an idea like "adultery is wrong" seem rational just because a lot of people say so? It may in fact be wrong in certain situations, but it may not be wrong in other situations. Even more important, why does sex have to come with so many strings and requirements?
That does not mean one needs to engage in orgies everyday or make pornographic movies. On the other hand, why cannot sex be enlightened? If a man and a woman meet and decide to engage in sexual relations, why can't sex just be enjoyed for what it is without all of the hang ups, attachments, and other foolishness that usually goes along with it like courting, dating, romance, etc.? There is nothing wrong with these in and of themselves, but why do these have to be linked to sex every time. If a man and a woman are married, why does sex always have so many stipulations, the mood has to be "just right," the lights have to be off, it must be in bed, blah, blah, blah. Poppycock and boulderdash.
What is wrong with just "getting it on" and moving on if that is what one chooses to do? Granted most of the hang ups associated with sex are perpetuated by women, but why does it need to be that way? The answer is it does not need to be that way. That is one of the points that Dr. Ellis was making. But, to get to that place one must first accept that cultural conventions are assailable and should be rigorously questioned at all times.
In the another article about how women drive men to homosexuality--another revolutionary and challenging assertion--Dr. Ellis recounts a story of a homosexual man that told Dr. Ellis why he was a homosexual. I do not advocate homosexuality--and neither did Dr. Ellis--but I can certainly understand the sentiment. The man said that if he wanted to have sex with a man he could go to a bar, a bath, or some other meeting place, meet someone, and in not too much time engage in sexual relations with that person. Afterwards, if they did not want to continue with their tryst, they both went their separate ways. The homosexual man made a point in Dr. Ellis' article that he in fact enjoyed relations with women, but he despised all the time, money and energy it required to do the same thing that he could do with men in a more reasonable way. All of the reasons and machinations that explain why women make sex difficult is much to complicated to go into here. But, one thing can be said for such phenomena. There are an awful lot of cultural conventions that needlessly and endlessly complicate life.
The thing is, one needs one's strength to accomplish goals. One can ill afford to waste time chasing after paper tigers and flickering apparitions in the night. If you follow an idea, make sure that idea is rational and does in fact enhance your life. Ayn Rand chided readers to "check your premises." It is good advice. Just because "things are that way" does not mean that must be that way or that you must accept them as they are. You cannot change the world, but you can damn sure change yourself. LSV
Dr. Ellis is fantastic because his goal is mental health for people. It is a noble goal. It is a good goal to have in life. However, to have this goal often puts you at odds with a great many other people who have a vested interest in maintaining neuroses and other forms if illness. Did you ever ask yourself for example why so many women find so called "bad" boys attractive while rebuking the advances of clean, strong, intelligent men? Or, why those who build themselves up to be strong, rational, decent people are excoriated? Ayn Rand called it the hatred of the good for being good. It is that, but it is more. For, it seems that a great many people would prefer to hold onto their neuroses and other forms of illness, in other words to remain weak and decrepit, rather than exerting the effort to build themselves up to be strong and wise. Why? Inertia, laziness, indifference, call it what you will. But, in general people would rather not try than to try. Therefore, anyone with flaws is welcome, and the more flaws the better because no one wants to feel that you are better than them, that your "shit don't stink" as has been said more than once to me.
You see, you are not meant to be strong, confident, wise, intelligent, or clean. You are supposed to be like Forrest Gump . That makes people feel comfortable. But, this curious phenomenon makes one ask, why does strength make people uncomfortable? Moreover, why do so many people hate self-improvement?
If you are man with an earring--better yet two--tattoos, you drink, smoke, are overweight, use drugs, or anything to make "your shit stink" then you are a "real bro." The girls will love you. Employers will promote you. And, everyone will say what a "great guy you are." Why? Because it makes them feel less like losers. That is the stark truth of it. Knowing this is liberating in a sense. But, on the other hand it is extraordinarily frustrating; for what is the point of life if not self-enhancement and personal cultivation? What value does life have without an ideal? If you are to follow the dominant cultural attitudes, it is better for you not to have an ideal. That is the message. For, your reward for strenghth, health, intelligence, self-dignity, will be alienation. The less of these you possess, the more riches society will shower upon you. Most people take the riches discard the rest. In some case, I cannot say that I blame them. But, it does make it more difficult for those who desire to cultivate personal integrity and other important values like truth, justice, and common sense.
For these reasons and others, life, strength, and value are even more important for a healthy life. However, the only way to develop these elements, is to question cultural conventions. Does an idea like "adultery is wrong" seem rational just because a lot of people say so? It may in fact be wrong in certain situations, but it may not be wrong in other situations. Even more important, why does sex have to come with so many strings and requirements?
That does not mean one needs to engage in orgies everyday or make pornographic movies. On the other hand, why cannot sex be enlightened? If a man and a woman meet and decide to engage in sexual relations, why can't sex just be enjoyed for what it is without all of the hang ups, attachments, and other foolishness that usually goes along with it like courting, dating, romance, etc.? There is nothing wrong with these in and of themselves, but why do these have to be linked to sex every time. If a man and a woman are married, why does sex always have so many stipulations, the mood has to be "just right," the lights have to be off, it must be in bed, blah, blah, blah. Poppycock and boulderdash.
What is wrong with just "getting it on" and moving on if that is what one chooses to do? Granted most of the hang ups associated with sex are perpetuated by women, but why does it need to be that way? The answer is it does not need to be that way. That is one of the points that Dr. Ellis was making. But, to get to that place one must first accept that cultural conventions are assailable and should be rigorously questioned at all times.
In the another article about how women drive men to homosexuality--another revolutionary and challenging assertion--Dr. Ellis recounts a story of a homosexual man that told Dr. Ellis why he was a homosexual. I do not advocate homosexuality--and neither did Dr. Ellis--but I can certainly understand the sentiment. The man said that if he wanted to have sex with a man he could go to a bar, a bath, or some other meeting place, meet someone, and in not too much time engage in sexual relations with that person. Afterwards, if they did not want to continue with their tryst, they both went their separate ways. The homosexual man made a point in Dr. Ellis' article that he in fact enjoyed relations with women, but he despised all the time, money and energy it required to do the same thing that he could do with men in a more reasonable way. All of the reasons and machinations that explain why women make sex difficult is much to complicated to go into here. But, one thing can be said for such phenomena. There are an awful lot of cultural conventions that needlessly and endlessly complicate life.
The thing is, one needs one's strength to accomplish goals. One can ill afford to waste time chasing after paper tigers and flickering apparitions in the night. If you follow an idea, make sure that idea is rational and does in fact enhance your life. Ayn Rand chided readers to "check your premises." It is good advice. Just because "things are that way" does not mean that must be that way or that you must accept them as they are. You cannot change the world, but you can damn sure change yourself. LSV
Friday, October 12, 2007
Luciano Pavarotti
This is a sad day. Luciano Pavarotti has died. It is sad not just because he was a great singer, but because of the joy that he brought to the world through his singing. He had an exuberance that came through in his music. He brought joy to the world, and that is wonderful thing. It is extremely rare to find happiness in this world. Yet, he seemed to be able to encapsulate it in the way that he sang. This is ever more important as time goes by because it seems that maliciousness and obnoxiousness are the overwhelming traits these days. It is beyond compassion or understanding. People seem grossly mean and increasingly cold in the way that they deal with each other. People shrug when such things happen, and if you stand against what seems to be injustice, you are marked as the troublemaker, and people are quick to threaten you with anything that they can: jail time, law suits, violence. Justice is irrelevant, it is only who is the blame that counts. It is not surprising then that many people, particularly teenagers want to give up. It is often difficult to see the point of trying in a world that does not seem to care very much about decent things, happy things. This is what makes people like Luciano Pavarotti so great. Through his art, his talent, and sense of life, we can be reminded that there is still love and goodness in the world, and quite possibly something to hope for.
Grazie infinite, for all of the hours that would have been otherwise full of solitude, disappointment, and longing. You were a friend to me through your music, and you will be greatly missed...Ave Maria LSV
Grazie infinite, for all of the hours that would have been otherwise full of solitude, disappointment, and longing. You were a friend to me through your music, and you will be greatly missed...Ave Maria LSV
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Radiohead
Bravo! for Radiohead. I am not particularly a fan of this group. However, I am a fan of entrepreneurship and independence. This group has shown the enormous potential that the Internet represents in releasing their latest recording online without a major record label, which means on their own terms. That is a cause celebre. While we normally focus on fundamental values and ideas in Reason and Combat, the fact that this group demonstrated independence in releasing its music, is an inspirational thing. Therefore, it is worth mentioning. Inspiration is an important part of Reason and Combat.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Blackwater
Recently private contractors in Iraq have come to dominate the news because of a situation involving the company Blackwater. There is a widespread public outcry against the company because of its alleged violence toward "innocent" Iraqi citizens. It is impossible for anyone who was not directly involved to say with any certainty exactly what happened. For our purposes it matters less exactly what happened. In such cases, the whole truth is rarely revealed. For example, who really shot JFK? It is clear that rational individuals who also happen to be law enforcement personnel or active military are in impossible situations in places like Iraq. At the same time, it is also true that those with the power to maim and kill, rarely show restraint if they can get away with it. This is not really a reflection on law enforcement or military personnel so much as a reflection on people in general. The Blackwater fiasco is no different from what takes place in America on a daily basis to many individuals. It is not always so dramatic, but it is nevertheless discouraging.
Private contractors circulate in Iraq to supplement and support the military. Iraq is a cauldron of chaos with sectarian violence, insurgency, terrorism. That these kinds of wild events happen is not at all surprising, most particularly when there does not seem to be any clear strategy for engagement or military involvement in Iraq at least not for the long term. While the Blackwater situation is unfortunate and extreme, it is not much different in principle than what happens in other circumstances where a disjointed, incomplete philosophy leads to tirades, outbursts, and other forms of destruction. The strategy of "no strategy" is perfectly acceptable these days as a guide for human action. This has a direct impact on individual life as the Blackwater affair shows quite well. For, individuals, both Americans and Iraqis, were involved in the affair.
In one of the "For Dummies" books, Rich Tennant brilliant depicts the situation through humor. It is interesting that humorists and comedians often have a better stethoscope on society than so-called "intellectuals." He writes:
This is a "dot-com" company Stacey. Risk-taking is a given. If you're not comfortable running with scissors, cleaning your ear with a knitting needle, or swimming right after a big meal, then this might not be the place for you.
The picture with this caption shows several fat people throwing objects, running with scissors, cleaning their ears with needles, etc. Most people look at such a cartoon, laugh, and then shrug comfortably going back to their football games or television shows. There is nothing wrong with these forms of entertainment, unless they are used as a means to escape reality, which is often how they are used. It is the desire to escape reality as a viable philosophy of life that seems the characterize these times. This is probably not the first time in history when such was the case, but we are living through these times. So, it is worthwhile to understand the philosophy that leads to wild insanity.
Negligence is the ultimate form of evasion. Negligence leads to Iraq. Negligence leads to the Blackwater affair. Negligence leads to the situation that Mr. Tennant describes. The problem for rational individuals is that negligence is the socially acceptable philosophy governing human affairs and cultural moors. I have worked for a major "high-tech" company that is consistently ranked as one of the best places to work. I was shocked, in a sense, to see chronological adults firing off toy guns and otherwise cutting it up like five-year old children. "They were just having fun" you say. Well that is precisely the point. The attitude that there is a proper time and place for "fun" of that sort is an adult, mature, rational attitude. Similarly, the attitude that such "fun" is okay in the workplace, despite the fact that it may be a dominant attitude, is irrational. Not only does this kind of behavior show disrespect for the company who is paying these "adults" to work and to take the work seriously, it shows disrespect to the customers. Now before you leap to the conclusion of blaming the employees--or leap to the conclusion of blaming Blackwater employees--remember that the company tolerates this behavior and condones it by not firmly taking a stand to stop it. But, that is precisely the point. Few people desire to take a firm stand for anything. It is the logical result of not wanting to think things through and of allowing a philosophy of negligence to guide human action.
How did this happen? It has been a long time in the making. Essentially it is the result of the growing dominance of a particular type of philosophy that believes humans are powerless to know and understand the world. If one is powerless to understand the world around him, then why try? Just get drunk, get doped, or "veg" out. The other result of this type of thinking is the unfortunate situation in Iraq where people are perfectly content with getting involved in chaotic, confusing, volatile situations and remaining in such situations. In other words, without a standard or a model of balance and equilibrium with which to compare it to, the frenetic situation seems perfectly "normal." The value of reason and the process of thinking things through is what leads to an integrated view of existence where balance, calm, logic, and strength are the desired goals. People do not seem to feel as uncomfortable with illogical circumstances. It is impossible to study and learn in a stadium filled with 60,000 screaming football fans. This is understood. However, it is equally impossible to concentrate in a public library, the intellectual depository for human civilization, with high-volume chatter, screaming or homeless people wandering around intimidating patrons. Now, why is one easier to understand than the other? It would not be more difficult to understand the relationship between such things if critical thinking was not given such a low value to so many people. Nor would it be difficult to see how events like the one involving Blackwater could transpire. Most importantly it would not be difficult to see why the intellectual capacity and advancement of the population declines. The two go hand in hand. Advancement requires focus. Focus requires concentration. Concentration requires a certain amount of peace and quiet. And, this logical train of thought requires the ability to think and analyze, which of course in turn depends on what was just stated. It is cycle, a logical interrelatedness.
For most people a wild state of affairs is perfectly acceptable. For most people seem to have very little ambition or desire for self-improvement or learning. However, for rational, intelligent people, who want to think and understand these kinds of situations can be murder, intellectual assassination.
The Blackwater affair indicates a great deal about the status of society and quite possibly the status of Western if not human civilization. It is that serious. When a civilization begins to crowd out its thinkers and innovators, it decays. The reason that ideas and inventions flourished during the Renaissance, was because enlightenment was a high value. "Light"--not darkness--being of course an important of the word. Chaos, confusion, and negligence are the equivalents of darkness. When these become acceptable standards, the results are predictable: a wild, frantic, terror-filled, existence. "We will use terror to achieve political ends." The first thug who comes along and proclaims such things, people blankly stand on the sidelines, nod, and reply "that seems reasonable." Cole Porter was prophetic in his song "Anything Goes":
Times have changed, And we've often rewound the clock, Since the Puritans got a shock, When they landed on Plymouth Rock. If today, Any shock they should try to stem, 'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock would land on them. In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking, But now, God knows, Anything Goes. Good authors too who once knew better words, Now only use four letter words Writing prose, Anything Goes. The world has gone mad today And good's bad today, And black's white today, And day's night today, When most guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos And though I'm not a great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose, Anything goes When grandmama whose age is eighty In night clubs is getting matey with gigolo's, Anything Goes. When mothers pack and leave poor father Because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros, Anything Goes. If driving fast cars you like, If low bars you like, If old hymns you like, If bare limbs you like, If Mae West you like Or me undressed you like, Why, nobody will oppose! When every night, The set that's smart Is intruding in nudist parties in studios, Anything Goes.
The world has gone mad today And good's bad today, And black's white today, And day's night today, When most guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos And though I'm not a great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose, Anything goes
If saying your prayers you like, If green pears you like If old chairs you like, If back stairs you like, If love affairs you like With young bears you like, Why nobody will oppose!
And though I'm not a great romancer And though I'm not a great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose, Anything goes... Anything goes!
This is not a question of being prudish. For, it is better to have an open mind, and Reason and Combat most certainly encourages erudition. However, at the same time reason is an important element for this column and for life. Common sense and the ability to integrate reality for individual survival is the essence of Reason and Combat. Therefore, clarity, health, strength, substance, life, all of the things required for a constructive, goal-oriented life are of paramount importance for us. When you are living in a world where "Anything Goes," where extreme violence can brake out at any time--and usually does--where wild, high-volume furor transpires in places of learning like classrooms, libraries, and places of employment, it makes life more akin to a soldier's life than anything else at least for the rational individual.
The combat soldier leads a solitary life. In battle, a soldier has only his wits, his values which are determined by his philosophy, and his training to ensure his survival. Similarly, the rational individual has only his wits, his philosophy, and his fighting spirit to ensure health, happiness, and survival. In an environment where anything goes, rational ideas are not welcome because they get in the way of indulgence or a "good time." Therefore, the rational individual is not welcome. In such situations people are very happy to encourage self-doubt, recrimination, and ultimately dementia. Standing up for yourself is not permissible. All kinds of smears will be thrown at you: unfriendly, scary, intimidating, hostile. Often the implication, especially if you are a man, is that you should be incarcerated. So that, any form of independence, whether anger has anything to do with it or not, alienates you. This is often enough to get people to get in line and tow the mark, but for the courageous few who do not, it can be an arduous road, much like the soldier's journey: treacherous, uncertain, and isolated. Very often you have a choice to make: self-annihilation, or self-defense. Obviously the latter is the more rational of the two and the only real alternative.
Self-defense is firmly rooted in the philosophy of war. In other words, to survive in an environment where anything goes, where a false sense of entitlement encourages anyone at anytime to harass and distract you, you have to attack the root cause of such bellicosity. But, to do that, you have to be willing to fight for your ideas and convictions at least intellectually. To do that, you have to first value ideas and convictions. And, to do that you have to have already though critically and logically about the matter.
What is so great about people? It seems that the longer one lives on this earth, the more one realizes how disturbing people actually are. It is not that everyone is is a nuisance, but in general, it seems particularly in America, people grow to be uncouth, uncooperative, obnoxious, brats. When one is small, one has the hope and dreams encapsulated in the beautiful song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," from that wonderful movie The Wizard of Oz. Such songs and such movies were golden American creations because of the joy and hope that they gave to open hearts. Now it seems the culture is full of overweight, snarling, malcontents that are hostile toward everything, dissatisfied with everyone, and generally belligerent. How did a culture go from that to this so quickly? The hope encapsulated in songs like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" is what makes music and movies gigantic. In fact, without them some of us may not have survived as long as we have. Movies like the Wizard of Oz give you some much needed inspiration to deal with an increasingly hostile and apocalyptic world. It is unfortunate that more movies do not engender the wholesome values that give one the spirit to carry on. Perhaps one can only really expect to find that type of inspiration in literature these days. Heroes are important, particularly now. For heroes give one strength, an antidote, an alternative to what one normally sees and hears. When you watch and learn about people such as Frank Sinatra or Sean Connery, particularly if you are a male, you have a sense that strength and common sense in life are possible. In fact, they are desirable. Heroes are critical because almost no one teaches you such things, a few writers maybe, but for the most part one is encouraged to be a mindless dolt. For example, when Frank Sinatra sings about "Blue Skies," you have the sense that there are those in the world who do maintain and understand the concept of optimism. For, despite the fact that so many people flap their gums about "positive thinking" there are very few things that people do which are consistently positive. Just look around at the war and other conflagrations that exist in for any additional proof you may need. Therefore, it seems that art and philosophy are the kinds of things that one can turn inward toward for a much needed sanctuary, a respite from the mindless mayhem that is touted so much as a goal. Just about every societal institution makes it seem that life among men is brilliant. So, why then do so few people seem to mature past the age of five? At five little kids fill their lives not with curiosity, but with infantile games and cliques. "We don't want you play with us. You are not a part of our gang." How little things change when so-called neighbors ten, twenty, thirty years or more later say precisely the same thing. "You can't be in our country club. You don't belong here, blah, blah, blah." "What school did you go to? What is your zip code? So how much money do you really have in the bank? Human superficiality does not seem to evolve, and the promise of in songs like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" often goes unfulfilled. That is until you fill it. Superficiality only becomes more entrenched with time, at least for a large percentage of the population it seems.
If, on the other hand, you grow up as you should and become an adult, that is when your troubles begin. Because when you grow up and strive to fulfill the promise of"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," cliques will not matter anymore. Appearances will be irrelevant. Skin color will tell you nothing. One's educational level will be meaningless. The type of car one drives superfluous. Ideas, character, self-restraint, intelligence, ingenuity, these will become the guiding lights of life. Unfortunately, when one lives by the light of these values, one typically lives in isolation. For a great majority of the "rest" of the population, these are nothing more than floating abstractions. One must be prepared for that, and the only philosophy that seems to adequately prepare you for the long hard road that such values will undoubtedly necessitate in this life, is the philosophy of war, the fighting spirit, but these values are worth fighting for. These values give one a working definition for concepts such as worth. So, while it may be easier in the short time to follow one's whims and let mass hysteria guide one's life, in the end it leads to feeble, repugnant, brutish individuals and an extremely superficial life. Not very appealing is it? LSV.
Private contractors circulate in Iraq to supplement and support the military. Iraq is a cauldron of chaos with sectarian violence, insurgency, terrorism. That these kinds of wild events happen is not at all surprising, most particularly when there does not seem to be any clear strategy for engagement or military involvement in Iraq at least not for the long term. While the Blackwater situation is unfortunate and extreme, it is not much different in principle than what happens in other circumstances where a disjointed, incomplete philosophy leads to tirades, outbursts, and other forms of destruction. The strategy of "no strategy" is perfectly acceptable these days as a guide for human action. This has a direct impact on individual life as the Blackwater affair shows quite well. For, individuals, both Americans and Iraqis, were involved in the affair.
In one of the "For Dummies" books, Rich Tennant brilliant depicts the situation through humor. It is interesting that humorists and comedians often have a better stethoscope on society than so-called "intellectuals." He writes:
This is a "dot-com" company Stacey. Risk-taking is a given. If you're not comfortable running with scissors, cleaning your ear with a knitting needle, or swimming right after a big meal, then this might not be the place for you.
The picture with this caption shows several fat people throwing objects, running with scissors, cleaning their ears with needles, etc. Most people look at such a cartoon, laugh, and then shrug comfortably going back to their football games or television shows. There is nothing wrong with these forms of entertainment, unless they are used as a means to escape reality, which is often how they are used. It is the desire to escape reality as a viable philosophy of life that seems the characterize these times. This is probably not the first time in history when such was the case, but we are living through these times. So, it is worthwhile to understand the philosophy that leads to wild insanity.
Negligence is the ultimate form of evasion. Negligence leads to Iraq. Negligence leads to the Blackwater affair. Negligence leads to the situation that Mr. Tennant describes. The problem for rational individuals is that negligence is the socially acceptable philosophy governing human affairs and cultural moors. I have worked for a major "high-tech" company that is consistently ranked as one of the best places to work. I was shocked, in a sense, to see chronological adults firing off toy guns and otherwise cutting it up like five-year old children. "They were just having fun" you say. Well that is precisely the point. The attitude that there is a proper time and place for "fun" of that sort is an adult, mature, rational attitude. Similarly, the attitude that such "fun" is okay in the workplace, despite the fact that it may be a dominant attitude, is irrational. Not only does this kind of behavior show disrespect for the company who is paying these "adults" to work and to take the work seriously, it shows disrespect to the customers. Now before you leap to the conclusion of blaming the employees--or leap to the conclusion of blaming Blackwater employees--remember that the company tolerates this behavior and condones it by not firmly taking a stand to stop it. But, that is precisely the point. Few people desire to take a firm stand for anything. It is the logical result of not wanting to think things through and of allowing a philosophy of negligence to guide human action.
How did this happen? It has been a long time in the making. Essentially it is the result of the growing dominance of a particular type of philosophy that believes humans are powerless to know and understand the world. If one is powerless to understand the world around him, then why try? Just get drunk, get doped, or "veg" out. The other result of this type of thinking is the unfortunate situation in Iraq where people are perfectly content with getting involved in chaotic, confusing, volatile situations and remaining in such situations. In other words, without a standard or a model of balance and equilibrium with which to compare it to, the frenetic situation seems perfectly "normal." The value of reason and the process of thinking things through is what leads to an integrated view of existence where balance, calm, logic, and strength are the desired goals. People do not seem to feel as uncomfortable with illogical circumstances. It is impossible to study and learn in a stadium filled with 60,000 screaming football fans. This is understood. However, it is equally impossible to concentrate in a public library, the intellectual depository for human civilization, with high-volume chatter, screaming or homeless people wandering around intimidating patrons. Now, why is one easier to understand than the other? It would not be more difficult to understand the relationship between such things if critical thinking was not given such a low value to so many people. Nor would it be difficult to see how events like the one involving Blackwater could transpire. Most importantly it would not be difficult to see why the intellectual capacity and advancement of the population declines. The two go hand in hand. Advancement requires focus. Focus requires concentration. Concentration requires a certain amount of peace and quiet. And, this logical train of thought requires the ability to think and analyze, which of course in turn depends on what was just stated. It is cycle, a logical interrelatedness.
For most people a wild state of affairs is perfectly acceptable. For most people seem to have very little ambition or desire for self-improvement or learning. However, for rational, intelligent people, who want to think and understand these kinds of situations can be murder, intellectual assassination.
The Blackwater affair indicates a great deal about the status of society and quite possibly the status of Western if not human civilization. It is that serious. When a civilization begins to crowd out its thinkers and innovators, it decays. The reason that ideas and inventions flourished during the Renaissance, was because enlightenment was a high value. "Light"--not darkness--being of course an important of the word. Chaos, confusion, and negligence are the equivalents of darkness. When these become acceptable standards, the results are predictable: a wild, frantic, terror-filled, existence. "We will use terror to achieve political ends." The first thug who comes along and proclaims such things, people blankly stand on the sidelines, nod, and reply "that seems reasonable." Cole Porter was prophetic in his song "Anything Goes":
Times have changed, And we've often rewound the clock, Since the Puritans got a shock, When they landed on Plymouth Rock. If today, Any shock they should try to stem, 'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock would land on them. In olden days a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking, But now, God knows, Anything Goes. Good authors too who once knew better words, Now only use four letter words Writing prose, Anything Goes. The world has gone mad today And good's bad today, And black's white today, And day's night today, When most guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos And though I'm not a great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose, Anything goes When grandmama whose age is eighty In night clubs is getting matey with gigolo's, Anything Goes. When mothers pack and leave poor father Because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros, Anything Goes. If driving fast cars you like, If low bars you like, If old hymns you like, If bare limbs you like, If Mae West you like Or me undressed you like, Why, nobody will oppose! When every night, The set that's smart Is intruding in nudist parties in studios, Anything Goes.
The world has gone mad today And good's bad today, And black's white today, And day's night today, When most guys today That women prize today Are just silly gigolos And though I'm not a great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose, Anything goes
If saying your prayers you like, If green pears you like If old chairs you like, If back stairs you like, If love affairs you like With young bears you like, Why nobody will oppose!
And though I'm not a great romancer And though I'm not a great romancer I know that I'm bound to answer When you propose, Anything goes... Anything goes!
This is not a question of being prudish. For, it is better to have an open mind, and Reason and Combat most certainly encourages erudition. However, at the same time reason is an important element for this column and for life. Common sense and the ability to integrate reality for individual survival is the essence of Reason and Combat. Therefore, clarity, health, strength, substance, life, all of the things required for a constructive, goal-oriented life are of paramount importance for us. When you are living in a world where "Anything Goes," where extreme violence can brake out at any time--and usually does--where wild, high-volume furor transpires in places of learning like classrooms, libraries, and places of employment, it makes life more akin to a soldier's life than anything else at least for the rational individual.
The combat soldier leads a solitary life. In battle, a soldier has only his wits, his values which are determined by his philosophy, and his training to ensure his survival. Similarly, the rational individual has only his wits, his philosophy, and his fighting spirit to ensure health, happiness, and survival. In an environment where anything goes, rational ideas are not welcome because they get in the way of indulgence or a "good time." Therefore, the rational individual is not welcome. In such situations people are very happy to encourage self-doubt, recrimination, and ultimately dementia. Standing up for yourself is not permissible. All kinds of smears will be thrown at you: unfriendly, scary, intimidating, hostile. Often the implication, especially if you are a man, is that you should be incarcerated. So that, any form of independence, whether anger has anything to do with it or not, alienates you. This is often enough to get people to get in line and tow the mark, but for the courageous few who do not, it can be an arduous road, much like the soldier's journey: treacherous, uncertain, and isolated. Very often you have a choice to make: self-annihilation, or self-defense. Obviously the latter is the more rational of the two and the only real alternative.
Self-defense is firmly rooted in the philosophy of war. In other words, to survive in an environment where anything goes, where a false sense of entitlement encourages anyone at anytime to harass and distract you, you have to attack the root cause of such bellicosity. But, to do that, you have to be willing to fight for your ideas and convictions at least intellectually. To do that, you have to first value ideas and convictions. And, to do that you have to have already though critically and logically about the matter.
What is so great about people? It seems that the longer one lives on this earth, the more one realizes how disturbing people actually are. It is not that everyone is is a nuisance, but in general, it seems particularly in America, people grow to be uncouth, uncooperative, obnoxious, brats. When one is small, one has the hope and dreams encapsulated in the beautiful song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," from that wonderful movie The Wizard of Oz. Such songs and such movies were golden American creations because of the joy and hope that they gave to open hearts. Now it seems the culture is full of overweight, snarling, malcontents that are hostile toward everything, dissatisfied with everyone, and generally belligerent. How did a culture go from that to this so quickly? The hope encapsulated in songs like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" is what makes music and movies gigantic. In fact, without them some of us may not have survived as long as we have. Movies like the Wizard of Oz give you some much needed inspiration to deal with an increasingly hostile and apocalyptic world. It is unfortunate that more movies do not engender the wholesome values that give one the spirit to carry on. Perhaps one can only really expect to find that type of inspiration in literature these days. Heroes are important, particularly now. For heroes give one strength, an antidote, an alternative to what one normally sees and hears. When you watch and learn about people such as Frank Sinatra or Sean Connery, particularly if you are a male, you have a sense that strength and common sense in life are possible. In fact, they are desirable. Heroes are critical because almost no one teaches you such things, a few writers maybe, but for the most part one is encouraged to be a mindless dolt. For example, when Frank Sinatra sings about "Blue Skies," you have the sense that there are those in the world who do maintain and understand the concept of optimism. For, despite the fact that so many people flap their gums about "positive thinking" there are very few things that people do which are consistently positive. Just look around at the war and other conflagrations that exist in for any additional proof you may need. Therefore, it seems that art and philosophy are the kinds of things that one can turn inward toward for a much needed sanctuary, a respite from the mindless mayhem that is touted so much as a goal. Just about every societal institution makes it seem that life among men is brilliant. So, why then do so few people seem to mature past the age of five? At five little kids fill their lives not with curiosity, but with infantile games and cliques. "We don't want you play with us. You are not a part of our gang." How little things change when so-called neighbors ten, twenty, thirty years or more later say precisely the same thing. "You can't be in our country club. You don't belong here, blah, blah, blah." "What school did you go to? What is your zip code? So how much money do you really have in the bank? Human superficiality does not seem to evolve, and the promise of in songs like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" often goes unfulfilled. That is until you fill it. Superficiality only becomes more entrenched with time, at least for a large percentage of the population it seems.
If, on the other hand, you grow up as you should and become an adult, that is when your troubles begin. Because when you grow up and strive to fulfill the promise of"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," cliques will not matter anymore. Appearances will be irrelevant. Skin color will tell you nothing. One's educational level will be meaningless. The type of car one drives superfluous. Ideas, character, self-restraint, intelligence, ingenuity, these will become the guiding lights of life. Unfortunately, when one lives by the light of these values, one typically lives in isolation. For a great majority of the "rest" of the population, these are nothing more than floating abstractions. One must be prepared for that, and the only philosophy that seems to adequately prepare you for the long hard road that such values will undoubtedly necessitate in this life, is the philosophy of war, the fighting spirit, but these values are worth fighting for. These values give one a working definition for concepts such as worth. So, while it may be easier in the short time to follow one's whims and let mass hysteria guide one's life, in the end it leads to feeble, repugnant, brutish individuals and an extremely superficial life. Not very appealing is it? LSV.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Warfighting
There is a lot of combat talk in this ongoing series, and with good reason. It seems that life in society is more like war than life. It seems that the philosophy of war is more appropriate to health and peaceful living than any other philosophy at least for people who value reason and life. You can really be beaten down in this world unless you "fight, fight, fight, fight," as Frank Sinatra used to say in his live concerts when fooling around with the band. I don't think that he knew how prophetic he was.
Why is the warrior philosophy so important? In this world people do not want to just shoot you--or your ideas--down, they want to tear you to shreds, denigrate and humiliate you in the process and you are both supposed to laugh about it afterwards. These days someone can sue you or merciless attack you in the press and utterly destroy your reputation, and fully expect to go out for coffee and crumb cakes later. It is more like Wonderland than life.
There is a particular glee in maliciousness that did not seem to exist here before. I never lived through any other time, but in watching the great American classic films for example, you get a sense that things were not so dirty. That does not mean people were angels. Far from it. But, there did seem to be a kind of balance in society that people like you could appeal to, and even if you would not be heard, at least there was some kind of appeal. Just as an example, no matter how many signs are placed around places that are supposed to be quiet such as in libraries or movie theatres, people still insist on taking their bloody cell phone calls as if no one else on the face of the earth existed or mattered. It sends a very clear message: F-ck you! Who cares if it disturbs you. I'll do what I want! If you have the courage to try to appeal to someone to seek redress, then it becomes all about you, your unfriendliness, your unreasonableness, your "anger." This mentality is at the heart of the problem for rational people. It is mentality of homelessness, a mentality that sees ideas and values as nondescript entities disconnected and uprooted from any type of integrated system of ideas. Ayn Rand called them "floating abstractions. Leibniz called them "monads." An excellent American martial arts instructor was more straightforward. He just called them "bullshit." Whatever you call them, it is not surprising that people, American in particular, have great difficulty in critical thinking, completing a thought, because both require connecting ideas and that requires a working brain. When thinking matters through and integrating knowledge in general are held as noble goals, then one does not strive for "floating abstractions," but for understanding. When greater understanding is your purpose, at some point along your journey you realize that cell phones, loud talking, and horseplay in quiet places is inappropriate. Why? Because you have a sense of appropriateness, logic, order, cause, and effect. In other words, you have built a life based on an integrated system of knowledge that is biologically sound. That leads to common sense so that you don't have to be told or wait for someone to complain about out of place noises, you know it already and simply do not want to disturb no so much because you are saint, but because it just is not necessary.
Rational people, no matter how young you are, will feel an understandable repulsiveness at the flippant attitude that too damn many people get away with under the guise of "humor" or "wit." The greater question that will undoubtedly occur to you is why should you show prudence, caution, and consideration while others parade around flaunting their inconsiderately vulgar behavior? There is no other logical answer except that it is in your interests to do so. Here is an example of where the warrior philosophy comes into play. If you accept the premises of society, then you should turn the other cheek as it were because it is a part of some make-believe social contract. This is smack of dishonesty. On the other hand, if you take a more independent path, and place your survival at the top of your concerns, then you can coldly and objectively evaluate what to do in the face of gross injustice. If you say something to an obnoxious buffoon in a library or movie theatre will it cause you trouble? If you fight some ape-like moron because he insulted you, is the trade off in terms of jail time, loss of freedom, and opportunity for earning money worth the temporary satisfaction you may feel in pulverizing him or verbally putting her in her place? Usually the answer is no. The fact that you are so often confronted with such discouragingly negative choices in life shows not that you have a problem with your thinking, but that people in general are brutes with a very low intellectual capacity. Certainly in general they have a very low capacity for human understanding in all of its forms. In other words, unless you want to spend a lifetime in disillusioned anguish, you have to define concepts for yourself and build your own value system based on truth, reality, and preservation. That will undoubtedly lead you to a warrior philosophy.
Employers fire you without notice, teachers call your ideas stupid, parents humiliate or berate you in public or worse, they beat you in private while pretending to be pillars of society. Everywhere you turn, people behave more like sworn enemies than friends and it all seems to be based on one big illusion. From the perspective of truth and independence, it seems that the Founders of America were extraordinarily insightful about the threats to liberty, happiness, and life. While their emphasis was understandably focused on politics, the essence of the dilemma is directly applicable to the individual life. For, it seems that life in society is centered around slavery of one form or another. People seem to be overwhelming concerned about getting control over others. First they try with various carrots, bells, whistles or Trojan gifts: "be nice," "smile," "be friendly," "have fun," "be cool," which all translate to the same thing. "Make us feel comfortable by telling us how great we are, agreeing with us, and being more like us. If that does not work, they try various forms of guile like guilt: "you should do it to be a good neighbor, a good son, a good daughter, a good father, a good mother, a good citizen, a good soldier, a good leader, etc. Writers like Nietzsche encouraged people to question concepts like "good" so that the individual could determine what the word means exactly and how it is being used; for as he aptly put it "there is blood and cruelty at the bottom all 'good' things."
How people use words and their premises is a form of analysis that teachers rarely teach you in school. It is even rarer still for teachers to be bold, strong, and independent enough to encourage you question the premises they use because obviously that would call into question everything that they are teaching. However, if what they are teaching has the strength of truth, it will endure rigorous questions and stand the test of time. A person's desire for you to question their premises and beliefs is the mark of strength and truth. Truth needs no defense. For a teacher or a so-called intellectual, to become defensive toward your questions is the greatest indication that what they teach cannot stand on its own, and if an idea cannot stand on its own why would someone want to teach it?
Questions like these, which conventional outlets in society rarely encourage you ask, get straight to the heart of the matter. Nietzsche called it philosophizing with hammers and arrows, but these were just metaphors for intellectual fortitude. One of the ways to arrive at that kind of kind of intellectual strength is through a philosophy that builds its edifice from the ground up, starting with what is true and verifiable and going from there. In other words you start with the the premise that Ayn Rand called existence exists; or A is A. Aristotle said it too. All of the foolishness that encourage you to doubt reality, that "your reality is different from my reality," that "to be is to be perceived," and the like are just distractions, and generally lead you to drugs and madness. Life among men seems to be full of distractions that lead you nowhere.
If gifts and guile do not work, then people resort to outright intimidation: do it or else...we will fire you, hurt you, jail you, or kill you. While most of life is not always this extreme, history is full of enough of examples to show that this is a significant part of life that cannot be ignored, that is if you believe A is A, and the emperor has no clothes.
It may seem easier to go along with the flow, to buy into the illusion and refrain from "making waves." To be sure this path generally provides greater financial rewards for society rewards its obedient foot soldiers, those who proselytize its message without question. That of course rules out independence. On the other hand, if independence is important to you, then you must find some way to live in this world without betraying your values or the things that you hold dear. Since financial rewards are often tied to betrayal, it is a difficult challenge to face. It is worth facing however, not only because it makes you stronger and forges a character. It does, but these have become hollow platitudes by now. The challenge is worth facing because it makes your life more solid and meaningful in the end. Facing the challenge and overcoming it eventually--for it may take some time--will make you more flexible, intelligent, worldly, and strong. These were the kinds of values that the Framers of America held in high esteem. For, these are the kinds of values that endure the test of time and that always build a stronger life no matter what the circumstances.
To see how this is true read Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankel, Common Sense by Thomas Paine, or On a Genealogy of Morals by Frederic Nietzsche.
Why is the warrior philosophy so important? In this world people do not want to just shoot you--or your ideas--down, they want to tear you to shreds, denigrate and humiliate you in the process and you are both supposed to laugh about it afterwards. These days someone can sue you or merciless attack you in the press and utterly destroy your reputation, and fully expect to go out for coffee and crumb cakes later. It is more like Wonderland than life.
There is a particular glee in maliciousness that did not seem to exist here before. I never lived through any other time, but in watching the great American classic films for example, you get a sense that things were not so dirty. That does not mean people were angels. Far from it. But, there did seem to be a kind of balance in society that people like you could appeal to, and even if you would not be heard, at least there was some kind of appeal. Just as an example, no matter how many signs are placed around places that are supposed to be quiet such as in libraries or movie theatres, people still insist on taking their bloody cell phone calls as if no one else on the face of the earth existed or mattered. It sends a very clear message: F-ck you! Who cares if it disturbs you. I'll do what I want! If you have the courage to try to appeal to someone to seek redress, then it becomes all about you, your unfriendliness, your unreasonableness, your "anger." This mentality is at the heart of the problem for rational people. It is mentality of homelessness, a mentality that sees ideas and values as nondescript entities disconnected and uprooted from any type of integrated system of ideas. Ayn Rand called them "floating abstractions. Leibniz called them "monads." An excellent American martial arts instructor was more straightforward. He just called them "bullshit." Whatever you call them, it is not surprising that people, American in particular, have great difficulty in critical thinking, completing a thought, because both require connecting ideas and that requires a working brain. When thinking matters through and integrating knowledge in general are held as noble goals, then one does not strive for "floating abstractions," but for understanding. When greater understanding is your purpose, at some point along your journey you realize that cell phones, loud talking, and horseplay in quiet places is inappropriate. Why? Because you have a sense of appropriateness, logic, order, cause, and effect. In other words, you have built a life based on an integrated system of knowledge that is biologically sound. That leads to common sense so that you don't have to be told or wait for someone to complain about out of place noises, you know it already and simply do not want to disturb no so much because you are saint, but because it just is not necessary.
Rational people, no matter how young you are, will feel an understandable repulsiveness at the flippant attitude that too damn many people get away with under the guise of "humor" or "wit." The greater question that will undoubtedly occur to you is why should you show prudence, caution, and consideration while others parade around flaunting their inconsiderately vulgar behavior? There is no other logical answer except that it is in your interests to do so. Here is an example of where the warrior philosophy comes into play. If you accept the premises of society, then you should turn the other cheek as it were because it is a part of some make-believe social contract. This is smack of dishonesty. On the other hand, if you take a more independent path, and place your survival at the top of your concerns, then you can coldly and objectively evaluate what to do in the face of gross injustice. If you say something to an obnoxious buffoon in a library or movie theatre will it cause you trouble? If you fight some ape-like moron because he insulted you, is the trade off in terms of jail time, loss of freedom, and opportunity for earning money worth the temporary satisfaction you may feel in pulverizing him or verbally putting her in her place? Usually the answer is no. The fact that you are so often confronted with such discouragingly negative choices in life shows not that you have a problem with your thinking, but that people in general are brutes with a very low intellectual capacity. Certainly in general they have a very low capacity for human understanding in all of its forms. In other words, unless you want to spend a lifetime in disillusioned anguish, you have to define concepts for yourself and build your own value system based on truth, reality, and preservation. That will undoubtedly lead you to a warrior philosophy.
Employers fire you without notice, teachers call your ideas stupid, parents humiliate or berate you in public or worse, they beat you in private while pretending to be pillars of society. Everywhere you turn, people behave more like sworn enemies than friends and it all seems to be based on one big illusion. From the perspective of truth and independence, it seems that the Founders of America were extraordinarily insightful about the threats to liberty, happiness, and life. While their emphasis was understandably focused on politics, the essence of the dilemma is directly applicable to the individual life. For, it seems that life in society is centered around slavery of one form or another. People seem to be overwhelming concerned about getting control over others. First they try with various carrots, bells, whistles or Trojan gifts: "be nice," "smile," "be friendly," "have fun," "be cool," which all translate to the same thing. "Make us feel comfortable by telling us how great we are, agreeing with us, and being more like us. If that does not work, they try various forms of guile like guilt: "you should do it to be a good neighbor, a good son, a good daughter, a good father, a good mother, a good citizen, a good soldier, a good leader, etc. Writers like Nietzsche encouraged people to question concepts like "good" so that the individual could determine what the word means exactly and how it is being used; for as he aptly put it "there is blood and cruelty at the bottom all 'good' things."
How people use words and their premises is a form of analysis that teachers rarely teach you in school. It is even rarer still for teachers to be bold, strong, and independent enough to encourage you question the premises they use because obviously that would call into question everything that they are teaching. However, if what they are teaching has the strength of truth, it will endure rigorous questions and stand the test of time. A person's desire for you to question their premises and beliefs is the mark of strength and truth. Truth needs no defense. For a teacher or a so-called intellectual, to become defensive toward your questions is the greatest indication that what they teach cannot stand on its own, and if an idea cannot stand on its own why would someone want to teach it?
Questions like these, which conventional outlets in society rarely encourage you ask, get straight to the heart of the matter. Nietzsche called it philosophizing with hammers and arrows, but these were just metaphors for intellectual fortitude. One of the ways to arrive at that kind of kind of intellectual strength is through a philosophy that builds its edifice from the ground up, starting with what is true and verifiable and going from there. In other words you start with the the premise that Ayn Rand called existence exists; or A is A. Aristotle said it too. All of the foolishness that encourage you to doubt reality, that "your reality is different from my reality," that "to be is to be perceived," and the like are just distractions, and generally lead you to drugs and madness. Life among men seems to be full of distractions that lead you nowhere.
If gifts and guile do not work, then people resort to outright intimidation: do it or else...we will fire you, hurt you, jail you, or kill you. While most of life is not always this extreme, history is full of enough of examples to show that this is a significant part of life that cannot be ignored, that is if you believe A is A, and the emperor has no clothes.
It may seem easier to go along with the flow, to buy into the illusion and refrain from "making waves." To be sure this path generally provides greater financial rewards for society rewards its obedient foot soldiers, those who proselytize its message without question. That of course rules out independence. On the other hand, if independence is important to you, then you must find some way to live in this world without betraying your values or the things that you hold dear. Since financial rewards are often tied to betrayal, it is a difficult challenge to face. It is worth facing however, not only because it makes you stronger and forges a character. It does, but these have become hollow platitudes by now. The challenge is worth facing because it makes your life more solid and meaningful in the end. Facing the challenge and overcoming it eventually--for it may take some time--will make you more flexible, intelligent, worldly, and strong. These were the kinds of values that the Framers of America held in high esteem. For, these are the kinds of values that endure the test of time and that always build a stronger life no matter what the circumstances.
To see how this is true read Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankel, Common Sense by Thomas Paine, or On a Genealogy of Morals by Frederic Nietzsche.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Art and Value
From time to time we will include book excerpts, short stories, poems, etc. that seem particularly helpful in illuminating what is at stake and the things that you have to protect in your life if you are going to live a life that is your own. Art, value, and ideas must be protected every bit as much as property, money, or life. Art is life. Ideas are life. Property is life. Time is life. Money is life. Life is a value. Life is the ultimate value. One of the reasons that America's framers of the Constitution were so amazing, is that their insight into humanity was extraordinary. For example, they sought to protect "freedom of speech" in order to protect ideas. They sought to protect property from "unlawful searches and seizures," the right to "hold assembly" and other important rights because each one of these represents individual life. You spend time to earn money, and time is a abstract concept. Time represents the minutes of your life that you spend doing something like earning money. If you spend your time earning money, money then becomes the product of your time and your life. They are causally connected. To understand that of course you cannot have given up the desire to know. In other words, knowledge, thinking, and reason must still be important values to you. You cannot have abandoned, as so many would have you do, the desire for independent thought. More fundamentally you cannot have relinquished the importance of thinking in your life.
To understand the causal connections between things, you have to be able to think critically and be willing to exert the effort to arrive at a logical conclusion. The fact that money, ideas, property, and art are values like life and are products of life is self-evident if you have not fled from thinking as so many have. And, if you have not abandoned the process of thinking and knowing, then you are often a minority, alienated, and perhaps vilified. To endure a vociferous condemnation for rational ideas is an extremely hard thing to bear. No one teaches you how to bear it or that it is even worth bearing. But, it is worth bearing. In the end your Independence is at stake. And, at the end of the day--as they say--your own ideas and your own Independence are all that you have.
The warrior philosophy and the fighting spirit give you the intellectual tenacity that you desperately need to survive in this world either as you are or as you want to be. An intellectual wasteland is the only other alternative, and you may have already noticed that on the horizon.
So, enjoy the story, and while reading it think also of what is at stake in your life. Can you see through the illusion?
Where Love Will Be King.[1]
© 2005 By D. L. Evans
“Stay away from that girl. Do you hear me? Keep it up, and you’ll end up just like Clearance, thirty-five, and can’t hold a job. And, even if he could, it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference because the State is up his ass for 50% of whatever he makes. That’s your happy world. Yes sir, that’s the place where you think love exists. Face it boy, people ain’t no damn good. You’d better learn to accept that. The Lord is all you’ve got. The Lord and tough love. That’s all there is boy, tough love.”
“But…”
“Boy, what did I tell you about “but-ing” me? There is no but. Now, get in that kitchen and fix me something to eat. You hear me?” James jerked his body as if to kick Michael.
Michael ran toward the kitchen. It was not the first time. Cruelty seemed to be a way of life, and fear a constant companion. He never understood it, but he reluctantly learned to accept it. He did not hate his father, but he did not love him either. He just wanted the beatings to stop. And, if there was something more out there than sorrow and pain, he wanted to find it, wherever it was, and forever leave behind the sadness that always seemed to rise and fall with the sun, forever a part of this life of ours. Love had to be more than pain, he thought. It had to be more than languor. He wanted to believe that.
“And hurry up! I want to get to church early today. Anna said that she’s coming to service. That woman could turn a saint into a sinner! She’s got one of those heart-shaped asses. You know what I mean? Of course you don’t. What could you possibly know about it? Anyway, I need to give a good sermon. You understand me boy? Yes Lord, I need to give a good sermon,” he muttered to himself while fixing his tie in the big mirror.
“Did you hear me boy?”
“Yes!” Michael exclaimed. Is Courtney coming too?”
“What did I just say to you? I don’t want you messing this up for me. I told you to keep away from that girl. She’s too smart for your dumb ass anyway.”
Michael and Courtney had been friends since childhood. They seemed to dream the same dream, with hearts that beat for the same love, a secret love. For, the world was cold toward what was to them soft and beautiful and pure.
“So just forget the whole damn thing, you hear?”
“Why?”
“Because I said so!”
“But, you are trying to be with her mother.”
“You want to get smacked? That’s none of your damn business. As long as I pay the bills around here, you will do as I say not as I do. Understand?”
“No.”
“Don’t get smart with me boy. Everybody’s a goddamn smart ass, but it’s nothing that a slap across the mouth won’t fix.”
James raised his hand. Michael ran.
“That’s what I thought. Boy, you need to learn your place. Everything and everybody on God’s green earth has its place, and you are no exception. I’ll tell you what you need to do. You need to stop daydreaming about things that will never be. You are never going to amount to anything if you don’t start making your way in this world. By the time I was your age I had two jobs and I was the leading the church choir. That’s the problem with you kids today: you have it too easy. And, didn’t I tell you that I don’t like my eggs runny?
Michael cringed.
James pulled his hand back, and swung the heavy part of his palm onto Michael’s temple. Michael’s eyes crossed for a moment, his knees buckled, and he dropped the plate on the cold, marble floor. The plate broke in half to splatter eggs, and pieces of smoked ham to distant corners. His father looked down at the mess with some surprise, and then refocused his attention on Michael. A sharp stroke of fear flashed in the pit of Michael’s abdomen as he looked at the dark scowl forming on his father’s face. Raising his fist high in the air as he stood towering over the seventeen-year-old boy, James swung it downward in a consuming rage. However, for the first time, Michael noticed something in himself that he had never felt before. Fear was beginning to give way to his own anger, anger at the pain, anger at the humiliation, but most of all anger at the loneliness he felt in a world full of people so different than he.
His father’s big hand crashed down on his skull, and just as Michael was about to fight back for the first time, he felt the sharp point of his father’s alligator shoes in the pit of his belly.
“I see that I need to teach you a lesson again. You never learn do you boy? This is going to hurt me more than it does you,” he said with a smile faintly showing on his grimaced face.
James unloosened his belt, and as Michael doubled over he could only think that there must be a place far away from such pain where love not hate was supreme.
* * *
The mixture of races made her unique, inside and out. She had caramel skin and wheat-colored hair. Her slightly sharp nose and angular lips blended well with her eyes, which were a deeply, warm mahogany brown. She was slender and moved like a ballerina.
“Courtney sit down! People are staring at you!”
“They always stare mama. I’m used to it now. Are you sure that Michael is coming?”
“Is that all you ever think about? People are going to think that you are a tramp.”
“Let them think what they want. They do that anyway. Didn’t you always tell me to be myself or was that a lie too?”
“Watch your mouth! I didn’t raise you to have a mouth like that.”
“You didn’t raise me, Papa did.”
“Your father was a bum. A real man would not have left us nothing. Always putting those silly ideas in your head about love and truth. What did that ever get him? What did it ever get me? If he had spent more time attending to his business, and me, we wouldn’t have to work so hard now.”
“How can you say that mama? He loved you.”
“To hell he did. All that man ever cared about was himself, and you. He treated everybody else like garbage. You were always his little angel. He didn’t care about what happened to me. The only reason he married me was because I was pregnant with you. Oh, he didn’t tell that to his little angel? I don’t know why. He told you everything else. Well, now you know. And, don’t look so surprised. That is the way it is. When do people ever plan on kids? Maybe some of those rich folk with their nannies and chauffeurs can plan them. But, the rest of us just have to settle for losing ourselves in a few minutes of pleasure to escape the pain of this life for a while. And, trust me, it’s only a few minutes. And men, they never want kids. They just want that good feeling that brings them into this world. At least nowadays we can get paid for it. If it weren’t for that, what else would we get out of it? So, you see, it’s just like I said, men are no damn good. And why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“Men don’t interest me.”
“I see.”
“Don’t be silly mama. I don’t mean like that.”
“I’m glad to hear that at least.
“The men I know are hollow. They talk about the silliest things: football, basketball, baseball, or beer. And they laugh at everything. Everything is funny. But, I think that life is too serious for that. Sometimes it makes me sick. And, even if I bring up a serious topic they run away as if I have AIDS or something. It’s stupid.”
“You sound just like your father. I always told him that he thought too deeply about things.”
“I hate when you talk like that. You say it like it is an insult.”
“Look, men only think about one thing, and it is not your opinion I can tell you that. Men are the kind of things that laugh when they belch. They are the kind of things that try to see who can pee the furthest or talk the loudest. Do you think that that wants to hear your opinion? Look child, keep your opinions to yourself, and you’ll go far in this world.”
“I don’t want to go far in the world. I just want to be happy. But, they never seem to be the same.”
“Happiness does not exist. Life is just one distraction after another to break up boredom until you die. You will do well to remember that.”
“So, what are we doing here?”
“You ask too many questions. You always have. And nobody likes anybody that asks so many questions. But, if you must know, you need people, and Church is how you get accepted. That is just the way it is. I didn’t invent the world. I just live in it.”
“I can’t talk to you mama. You always say the same thing like every one else. You’ll understand when you grow up, blah, blah, blah. Well, I’m all grown up now and everyone still says the same thing. Michael is the only one I can talk to. At least he understands me.”
“There you go with Michael. Michael this. Michael that. I’m telling you Courtney, you mark my words; he will break your heart. They always do. Men are apes. Oh sure, they’ll laugh at your jokes no matter how stupid they are. They’ll look in your eyes and tell you how beautiful they are. They will pretend to be interested in the things you say even though you know they could bore the pants off a clown. You can even call them apes, and they’ll laugh and agree with you as if it is a compliment. All this just to get in your pants. But, in point of fact they are apes. They’ll hump anything that moves and beat on their chests like rulers of the jungle. And love, baby please! Their idea of love is a quick one after a night of hard drinking at a strip club. Sugar, you’d better get hip to the world if you don’t want to turn out like me.”
“I don’t think that you are so bad mama, but you don’t understand it and you don’t understand me. You never have. The men you know may be like that, but Michael isn’t. Not all men are dogs like you say.”
“I said apes not dogs.”
“Whatever.”
“Yeah well maybe so. But, I’ve been on this earth a lot longer than you, and I’ve known a lot of men in my day. The best you can hope for is a man with a job and not too many vices. Now Michael’s father, that is a different story. He has a pair if you know what I mean.”
“Mama!”
“What? Don’t act like little miss proper with me. I know what you and your friends talk about. Don’t pretend like you have never seen one before.”
“No!”
“Well, you are never going to get a boyfriend if you don’t learn to give it up every now and then.”
“Mama. How can you talk like that in church?”
“What? It’s the truth. You need to give it up sometimes if you want to
keep a man. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you should go around jumping into bed with the first man who comes along. But, if you want to hold onto your man, you have to let him have a taste.”
“If you say so mama.”
“I do say so. As I said, Deacon James is different. Even as a Deacon he never passes judgment on the things that I’ve done. He’s not like the rest. If things were different, I mean if I wasn’t spoken for, who knows.”
“You mean Charlie? He doesn’t care about you mama. He calls you his little whore.”
“Oh, he doesn’t mean it. That is just his way of showing his love, that’s all. Besides, with my past who would have me? Now, don’t start any trouble. We’ve got a good thing with Charlie. His family has money and he has a good job. People respect him, maybe some of that will rub off on me, and if you play your cards right. . . .”
“--Does the respect of others mean so much to you? I get so tired of always having to do things to please others. Is that what life is all about? Playing games and making all the right moves? Don’t you want something more?”
“Shut up! What do you know about it? You don’t know anything about this stinking world or what it takes to get along. What am I supposed to do? Everybody talks about happiness, telling you to smile all the time. Well they can kiss my ass. Happiness? Ain’t nothing but some old bullshit if you ask me. All the things people expect you to do. Hell, it’s struggle enough just trying to find ways to pay the bills to hold on, and don’t dare fall behind in your bills. Then they’ll call you a loser, with a capital ‘L.’ Don’t dare have a low credit score. Then you can’t buy a good house or get a good rate, and don’t even think about living in an apartment, God forbid. You’ll really be a loser then because you are supposed to own things in this life, right? It’s all bullshit. Spendin’ all your time trying to live up to what other people say you should be, trying to get a gulp of fresh air before you go under again, and then you die. And don’t give me that shit that it’s all about attitude. When was the last time you bought some fried chicken with a positive attitude? I do love me some fried chicken though. That’s about all you have, those little things that carry you through. And, even for that you need money, unless you want to be like your cousin Quentin, locked up at Rikers for stealing. So, what do you know about it? Always getting these grand ideas about things. What makes you so special? You are no better than the rest of us. You don’t know anything about it. Now be quiet. The service is about to start.”
The church organ began to play a soft church hymn. The congregation stood to sing; the wood of the wooden pews creaked and echoed in the big hall. Courtney looked down at the words of the hymn: “amazing grace, how sweet the sound to save a wretch like me.”
She thought about what her mother had just said as she read the words to herself. Thoughts rode around in her brain like wild mustangs. It was difficult for her to accept the confusion that is so much a part of life. It always created a tortuous conflict; it seemed that one was not meant to think too deeply about things in this life, even though so many things in this life are worth thinking deeply about.
She looked up to see Michael standing in the doorway looking at her. She was glad. He jerked forward a little as his father pushed him to get going. Courtney felt a pang in the pit of her stomach, knowing what it felt like to want to capture a moment while others simply hurry it along, honking, tapping, rushing, irritatingly waiting…to go nowhere, when love wants to linger.
Still, it was good to see a friendly face. Church made her uncomfortable. All of the primping and strutting and pretending to be holy. She hated hypocrites and church seemed like one of their hangouts. She had nothing against God. In fact, she always wondered if he really existed or if God could be a woman. But, church seemed like just another place where people bunch together like grapes simply to see and be seen.
Courtney smiled as Michael turned back to see her. He was dressed smartly in de la Renta and Zegna. James always insisted that he dress to impress. ‘The first impression is the only impression that counts,’ James often said. He was very fond of platitudes.
Michael and Courtney stole away when they could to a pre-arranged meeting place after service while the adults were still occupied with gossip and tall tales. It was one of their rare and cherished moments of joy when no one really cared where they were.
New York can be a magical and romantic place. The thoroughfares are dense with shops and street vendors that engulf passersby in the charm of the moment where there is nothing else in the world but New York. They especially liked to take the train to Coney Island. The ride was long and the subway travels above ground for a good part of the way.
Shadows from old red brick buildings zipped across the floor of the subway cars as it passed from the darkness and into the light. The clank of steel against steel created a soothing almost hypnotic rhythm in a symphony of shadows that stretched out to the bay and eventually into the wide sea.
“Look how fast the shadows shoot by,” Courtney said.
They nestled closer.
“Ouch.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Does that hurt?”
“Yes, a little.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing?”
“Did your father hit you again?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why won’t you let me help?”
‘’What can you do?”
“I don’t know. But, there must be something.”
“What can anyone do? Nobody really cares anyway. It’s all a big game to avoid facing the truth.”
“What is?”
“Everything. I mean my father is always talking about being a man. Be a man this, be a man that. I get so tired of hearing that crap. He is just like everyone else. Be this, be that, but they never tell you what it is that you are supposed to be. It’s bullshit. They only say it when they want you to be something they are not or when they want you to be something they should be but aren’t. You know, he hits me and then says not to cry. So, just what am I supposed to do? Laugh? It just seems to be is an excuse for me to accept his abuse so that he can use me to make himself feel better. That is what it is all about with people in this life of ours. Finding some excuse to do whatever they want with impunity. They want to cut, but in a way that doesn’t bleed or leave a scar.”
“But you don’t do that.”
“I know. I’m just saying people, humans in general. I’m a human, but I’m not like that. Neither are you. So what do we do?”
“I don’t know.”
Michael reached down to lift her chin up.
“I can see love in your eyes, love and tears. Did you know that?”
“Really?”
“They always seem to go together.”
They kissed.
“Look, we’re here.”
The garbled, crackling voice of the conductor announced Coney Island. It was the last stop.
“Why don’t they ever get that fixed? Courtney asked incredulously.
“I mean, what is the point of their announcements when you can’t understand a word they say? I’m from New York and I can’t understand him. I can only imagine what foreigners must go through.”
“Welcome to America.”
They descended the train. It was a cool autumn afternoon. The wind gently carried the smell of salt and the sea to far away places. Seagulls, clean and white, circled high overhead. Their pensive cries echoed out toward the sea, their thin shadows cutting across the smooth yellow sand and the pier as people passed by with red cotton candy and fluffy white animals.
They held hands while they looked out toward the foam of the breaking waves. There was a slight chill in the air, but the wind seemed to excite happy memories even ones that never existed, but were wished for so strongly that they appeared to be real, memories of lost time, miss opportunities, things that could have been and might still be.
“It feels good to stand next to you,” Michael said.
“I wish that this moment would never end.”
He put his arm around her and squeezed a little. She smiled.
“Me too.”
Why is it so hard to be kind and understanding?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know what I like about you?”
“What?”
“You’re honest. At least you try to understand. Whenever I ask a question like that, I usually just get yelled at.”
“I’ve noticed that too.”
“I guess that’s what people know, anger and fear. So, they defend it even if it is wrong.”
“I guess. It’s sad though.”
“What?”
“That they are destined to do the same thing over and over.”
“I know. But, what about us Michael. What will happen to us? Our parents won’t let us see each other anymore.”
“I know. Even though they don’t mind committing a few sins of their own, they make us feel that we are the sinners.”
“Its so hypocritical.”
“Well look at the two little love birds!”
They turned to see a group of kids from PS 130. Lynwood was speaking. He was big and tall with eyes that bugged out of his head, and when he spoke he rubbed between his legs as his sign of manhood and of being pleased with the sound of his voice.
They were in the same grade at school. Lynwood was the captain of the football team, and very popular because everyone loved football. Ugly and brash, he had an art for turning trivia into vulgar conversation, and everybody loved it. He made people feel comfortable by appealing to the basest within them. He had many friends. Everyone said that he would go far in life. They were probably right.
“What are you doing here?” Courtney asked.
“None of your business half-breed.”
“Oooo,” they all chimed with that grunt-like laugh of the not-too-smart. Michael grew tense.
“What are you going to do about it punk?” Lynwood turned to Michael.
“I thought so. You see what I mean? All of your fancy words don’t mean nothing when I can kick your ass the minute you open your mouth.”
They all laughed. Lynwood felt very proud of himself.
“Come Michael let’s go.”
“Yeah Michael, listen to your bitch before you get spanked. You know baby if you were mine, I would never let you get cold.”
Courtney yanked on Michael’s arm and began to lead him away.
“Aww! Leaving so soon?” Lynwood said. He was full of banality on that day. It was a day like any other.
“Do you mind if we leave?” Michael asked when they were far away from the crowd.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m just tired of all of this. Everybody always talks about life as if it is great or something. It just seems to be full of ugliness to me. I spend so much time trying to avoid the pain that others cause. Do you think that there could ever be a place where you don’t have to fight for love? I don’t know. Sometimes it seems stupid to ask questions like that because such questions just aren’t asked. Then on the other hand, I can’t help it. It’s the way I feel.”
“But, I love that about you Michael.”
“And, I appreciate that you do. But, it never seems to be enough because I still feel angry and frustrated so much of the time. Is it me? I want to be different. I try to be different. But, I just can’t be like them.”
He pointed back toward the group that they left behind.
“I wouldn’t love you if you were.”
“I know. But, I guess that I’m talking more about the fight within me. The fight I have every day that I go out into the world and face all of the things that I find to be insane and discouraging. To be honest, it disgusts me. It just seems that all people care about are their own wants and desires. They never give a damn about anyone else. It’s all about them. I mean, my father is the Deacon of the church, but all he wants to do is add another notch to his belt. He talks about us living in sin, but he never asks me about you or how we feel, and he never thinks twice about committing a sin for himself. God will forgive him but condemn me? He has all the answers without knowing. How typical is that? It makes me so angry sometimes.”
He turned to Courtney.
“Why can’t we just get away from here?”
“You mean run away?”
“Why not? Is it so wrong to be happy?”
“No, but what would we do?”
“Live the way we want, without guilt or fear.”
“I just don’t understand why good things have to be so hard.”
“It’s people. They make everything difficult. With all of their talk about humanity and friendship, it doesn’t exist. Maybe you are right. What is so great about this life of ours? Living to please everyone else. And the first time we live for ourselves, they make us feel dirty, like common criminals and tell us it is for our own good. Do you know what I think?”
“What?”
“They just say that so they can keep doing what they do without changing. I hate it.”
* * *
“Where the hell have you been? Did you hear me boy?”
“What difference does it make?”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“How can I if I am a dumb ass?”
“Are you looking for another beating?”
“Since when did you need an excuse for that?”
“What has gotten into you boy? Have you been smoking that crack, chronic or whatever the hell you kids call it?”
“Are drugs the only possible reason that I could speak up for myself?”
“What other reason would there be?”
“You have no idea do you?”
“So now you think that you’re smarter than me? I’m the one who brought you into this world and raised you with no help from a woman or from the State I might add. What could I possibly know? I’m just your father after all. I think that I know a few things about the world thank you very much. I know what you kids do nowadays, smoking that cheeba, doing body shots, having sex in hallways, disrespecting your elders. A life of debauchery; that is what you lead. I know all about it. What do you know about it?”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you. I sacrificed and toiled in bottom-feeder jobs for all of those years to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly and this is how you repay me.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“What do you mean that you didn’t ask me to do that? You ate the food didn’t you? You wore the clothes didn’t you?”
“What was I supposed to do? You said that God punishes people who kill themselves. So, I had to live didn’t I?”
“That is not the point.”
“What is the point?”
“I don’t apologize for anything I’ve done. I did the best that I could with the little I had. My father wasn’t worth a damn. He was either drunk or gone. The only time I saw him was when it was time to eat or on payday, my payday. Since he couldn’t hold a job, I had to earn money for the family. Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on a kid? But, I did it without complaint. So, don’t ask me what I know about it because I know plenty. You couldn’t do what I did.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know what you kids are like today. Your idea of hard work is to get up before noon. Your idea of a hard choice is Coke or Pepsi. Your idea of fun is drinking until you pass out. I know all about it.”
“And what about you? You preach all about sin and salvation when all you really want is another notch on your belt. You preach all about compassion and truth, and then you talk about people behind their backs. You talk about generosity and giving, and then you buy Movado watches and Volvos. You are such a hypocrite.”
As the words left his lips, Michael quickly realized what he had just said to his father. He felt shock, then joy, then fear. James clenched a fist and struck Michael in the eye. Lights twinkled in a vast darkness as Michael reflexively reached back while falling toward the island stove, his hand catching onto a knife there. Without thinking Michael’s hand grasped the knife as the world slowly came back into focus. Rage surged through his body in a hot flash, and he lashed out with the knife plunging it into the arm of his father. Blood began to soak through the cream-colored suit in a seeping crimson stain. James reached for the knife in his arm in utter dismay. When he finally looked up, Michael was gone and all James saw was the sunshine peering through the open door and the sound of little sparrows chirping. The world was oblivious to his pain.
* * *
Courtney was startled at the frantic knock on the wood of her window. She slowly arose and moved cautiously toward the sound. She peered out of the window and saw Michael. She was filled with joy and surprise. Sensing that something had happened by the look on his face, she lifted the window.
“Michael! Why did you climb all the way up here? You could have been hurt. Why are you breathing so hard?”
“I was running.”
“What happened?”
“Do you love me?”
“You know that I do. Why?”
“Did you mean what you said about going away with me?”
“I wish that we could.”
“Well, come with me.”
“Now?”
“Right now.”
“What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter. Will you come?”
“What about your father?”
“Forget about him.”
“Why, what happened.”
“Nothing. Are you coming?”
“But we need money. What about clothes?”
“Do you really want to be with me?”
“Yes.”
“Then come on!”
“Ok. Just a minute.”
Courtney disappeared for a moment and returned with a small black bag and a coat.
“Where are we going?"
“Away from here.”
“Grand Central?”
“Yes.”
The two left Courtney’s house, walked a bit, and caught the first bus after waiting a little while. They went to the back of the bus and sat quietly gazing out toward the front as the meaning of what they were doing started settling in. They arrived at Grand Central station at twilight.
“Where are we going?” Courtney asked.
“There!”
Michael pointed to the first train that he saw.
“Los Angeles? Is that where we are going?”
“No. It is just the first stop. From there we can go anywhere.”
“But where will we go from there?”
“Where we have always wanted to go.”
[1] Dedicated to Jacques Brel.
To understand the causal connections between things, you have to be able to think critically and be willing to exert the effort to arrive at a logical conclusion. The fact that money, ideas, property, and art are values like life and are products of life is self-evident if you have not fled from thinking as so many have. And, if you have not abandoned the process of thinking and knowing, then you are often a minority, alienated, and perhaps vilified. To endure a vociferous condemnation for rational ideas is an extremely hard thing to bear. No one teaches you how to bear it or that it is even worth bearing. But, it is worth bearing. In the end your Independence is at stake. And, at the end of the day--as they say--your own ideas and your own Independence are all that you have.
The warrior philosophy and the fighting spirit give you the intellectual tenacity that you desperately need to survive in this world either as you are or as you want to be. An intellectual wasteland is the only other alternative, and you may have already noticed that on the horizon.
So, enjoy the story, and while reading it think also of what is at stake in your life. Can you see through the illusion?
Where Love Will Be King.[1]
© 2005 By D. L. Evans
“Stay away from that girl. Do you hear me? Keep it up, and you’ll end up just like Clearance, thirty-five, and can’t hold a job. And, even if he could, it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference because the State is up his ass for 50% of whatever he makes. That’s your happy world. Yes sir, that’s the place where you think love exists. Face it boy, people ain’t no damn good. You’d better learn to accept that. The Lord is all you’ve got. The Lord and tough love. That’s all there is boy, tough love.”
“But…”
“Boy, what did I tell you about “but-ing” me? There is no but. Now, get in that kitchen and fix me something to eat. You hear me?” James jerked his body as if to kick Michael.
Michael ran toward the kitchen. It was not the first time. Cruelty seemed to be a way of life, and fear a constant companion. He never understood it, but he reluctantly learned to accept it. He did not hate his father, but he did not love him either. He just wanted the beatings to stop. And, if there was something more out there than sorrow and pain, he wanted to find it, wherever it was, and forever leave behind the sadness that always seemed to rise and fall with the sun, forever a part of this life of ours. Love had to be more than pain, he thought. It had to be more than languor. He wanted to believe that.
“And hurry up! I want to get to church early today. Anna said that she’s coming to service. That woman could turn a saint into a sinner! She’s got one of those heart-shaped asses. You know what I mean? Of course you don’t. What could you possibly know about it? Anyway, I need to give a good sermon. You understand me boy? Yes Lord, I need to give a good sermon,” he muttered to himself while fixing his tie in the big mirror.
“Did you hear me boy?”
“Yes!” Michael exclaimed. Is Courtney coming too?”
“What did I just say to you? I don’t want you messing this up for me. I told you to keep away from that girl. She’s too smart for your dumb ass anyway.”
Michael and Courtney had been friends since childhood. They seemed to dream the same dream, with hearts that beat for the same love, a secret love. For, the world was cold toward what was to them soft and beautiful and pure.
“So just forget the whole damn thing, you hear?”
“Why?”
“Because I said so!”
“But, you are trying to be with her mother.”
“You want to get smacked? That’s none of your damn business. As long as I pay the bills around here, you will do as I say not as I do. Understand?”
“No.”
“Don’t get smart with me boy. Everybody’s a goddamn smart ass, but it’s nothing that a slap across the mouth won’t fix.”
James raised his hand. Michael ran.
“That’s what I thought. Boy, you need to learn your place. Everything and everybody on God’s green earth has its place, and you are no exception. I’ll tell you what you need to do. You need to stop daydreaming about things that will never be. You are never going to amount to anything if you don’t start making your way in this world. By the time I was your age I had two jobs and I was the leading the church choir. That’s the problem with you kids today: you have it too easy. And, didn’t I tell you that I don’t like my eggs runny?
Michael cringed.
James pulled his hand back, and swung the heavy part of his palm onto Michael’s temple. Michael’s eyes crossed for a moment, his knees buckled, and he dropped the plate on the cold, marble floor. The plate broke in half to splatter eggs, and pieces of smoked ham to distant corners. His father looked down at the mess with some surprise, and then refocused his attention on Michael. A sharp stroke of fear flashed in the pit of Michael’s abdomen as he looked at the dark scowl forming on his father’s face. Raising his fist high in the air as he stood towering over the seventeen-year-old boy, James swung it downward in a consuming rage. However, for the first time, Michael noticed something in himself that he had never felt before. Fear was beginning to give way to his own anger, anger at the pain, anger at the humiliation, but most of all anger at the loneliness he felt in a world full of people so different than he.
His father’s big hand crashed down on his skull, and just as Michael was about to fight back for the first time, he felt the sharp point of his father’s alligator shoes in the pit of his belly.
“I see that I need to teach you a lesson again. You never learn do you boy? This is going to hurt me more than it does you,” he said with a smile faintly showing on his grimaced face.
James unloosened his belt, and as Michael doubled over he could only think that there must be a place far away from such pain where love not hate was supreme.
* * *
The mixture of races made her unique, inside and out. She had caramel skin and wheat-colored hair. Her slightly sharp nose and angular lips blended well with her eyes, which were a deeply, warm mahogany brown. She was slender and moved like a ballerina.
“Courtney sit down! People are staring at you!”
“They always stare mama. I’m used to it now. Are you sure that Michael is coming?”
“Is that all you ever think about? People are going to think that you are a tramp.”
“Let them think what they want. They do that anyway. Didn’t you always tell me to be myself or was that a lie too?”
“Watch your mouth! I didn’t raise you to have a mouth like that.”
“You didn’t raise me, Papa did.”
“Your father was a bum. A real man would not have left us nothing. Always putting those silly ideas in your head about love and truth. What did that ever get him? What did it ever get me? If he had spent more time attending to his business, and me, we wouldn’t have to work so hard now.”
“How can you say that mama? He loved you.”
“To hell he did. All that man ever cared about was himself, and you. He treated everybody else like garbage. You were always his little angel. He didn’t care about what happened to me. The only reason he married me was because I was pregnant with you. Oh, he didn’t tell that to his little angel? I don’t know why. He told you everything else. Well, now you know. And, don’t look so surprised. That is the way it is. When do people ever plan on kids? Maybe some of those rich folk with their nannies and chauffeurs can plan them. But, the rest of us just have to settle for losing ourselves in a few minutes of pleasure to escape the pain of this life for a while. And, trust me, it’s only a few minutes. And men, they never want kids. They just want that good feeling that brings them into this world. At least nowadays we can get paid for it. If it weren’t for that, what else would we get out of it? So, you see, it’s just like I said, men are no damn good. And why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“Men don’t interest me.”
“I see.”
“Don’t be silly mama. I don’t mean like that.”
“I’m glad to hear that at least.
“The men I know are hollow. They talk about the silliest things: football, basketball, baseball, or beer. And they laugh at everything. Everything is funny. But, I think that life is too serious for that. Sometimes it makes me sick. And, even if I bring up a serious topic they run away as if I have AIDS or something. It’s stupid.”
“You sound just like your father. I always told him that he thought too deeply about things.”
“I hate when you talk like that. You say it like it is an insult.”
“Look, men only think about one thing, and it is not your opinion I can tell you that. Men are the kind of things that laugh when they belch. They are the kind of things that try to see who can pee the furthest or talk the loudest. Do you think that that wants to hear your opinion? Look child, keep your opinions to yourself, and you’ll go far in this world.”
“I don’t want to go far in the world. I just want to be happy. But, they never seem to be the same.”
“Happiness does not exist. Life is just one distraction after another to break up boredom until you die. You will do well to remember that.”
“So, what are we doing here?”
“You ask too many questions. You always have. And nobody likes anybody that asks so many questions. But, if you must know, you need people, and Church is how you get accepted. That is just the way it is. I didn’t invent the world. I just live in it.”
“I can’t talk to you mama. You always say the same thing like every one else. You’ll understand when you grow up, blah, blah, blah. Well, I’m all grown up now and everyone still says the same thing. Michael is the only one I can talk to. At least he understands me.”
“There you go with Michael. Michael this. Michael that. I’m telling you Courtney, you mark my words; he will break your heart. They always do. Men are apes. Oh sure, they’ll laugh at your jokes no matter how stupid they are. They’ll look in your eyes and tell you how beautiful they are. They will pretend to be interested in the things you say even though you know they could bore the pants off a clown. You can even call them apes, and they’ll laugh and agree with you as if it is a compliment. All this just to get in your pants. But, in point of fact they are apes. They’ll hump anything that moves and beat on their chests like rulers of the jungle. And love, baby please! Their idea of love is a quick one after a night of hard drinking at a strip club. Sugar, you’d better get hip to the world if you don’t want to turn out like me.”
“I don’t think that you are so bad mama, but you don’t understand it and you don’t understand me. You never have. The men you know may be like that, but Michael isn’t. Not all men are dogs like you say.”
“I said apes not dogs.”
“Whatever.”
“Yeah well maybe so. But, I’ve been on this earth a lot longer than you, and I’ve known a lot of men in my day. The best you can hope for is a man with a job and not too many vices. Now Michael’s father, that is a different story. He has a pair if you know what I mean.”
“Mama!”
“What? Don’t act like little miss proper with me. I know what you and your friends talk about. Don’t pretend like you have never seen one before.”
“No!”
“Well, you are never going to get a boyfriend if you don’t learn to give it up every now and then.”
“Mama. How can you talk like that in church?”
“What? It’s the truth. You need to give it up sometimes if you want to
keep a man. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you should go around jumping into bed with the first man who comes along. But, if you want to hold onto your man, you have to let him have a taste.”
“If you say so mama.”
“I do say so. As I said, Deacon James is different. Even as a Deacon he never passes judgment on the things that I’ve done. He’s not like the rest. If things were different, I mean if I wasn’t spoken for, who knows.”
“You mean Charlie? He doesn’t care about you mama. He calls you his little whore.”
“Oh, he doesn’t mean it. That is just his way of showing his love, that’s all. Besides, with my past who would have me? Now, don’t start any trouble. We’ve got a good thing with Charlie. His family has money and he has a good job. People respect him, maybe some of that will rub off on me, and if you play your cards right. . . .”
“--Does the respect of others mean so much to you? I get so tired of always having to do things to please others. Is that what life is all about? Playing games and making all the right moves? Don’t you want something more?”
“Shut up! What do you know about it? You don’t know anything about this stinking world or what it takes to get along. What am I supposed to do? Everybody talks about happiness, telling you to smile all the time. Well they can kiss my ass. Happiness? Ain’t nothing but some old bullshit if you ask me. All the things people expect you to do. Hell, it’s struggle enough just trying to find ways to pay the bills to hold on, and don’t dare fall behind in your bills. Then they’ll call you a loser, with a capital ‘L.’ Don’t dare have a low credit score. Then you can’t buy a good house or get a good rate, and don’t even think about living in an apartment, God forbid. You’ll really be a loser then because you are supposed to own things in this life, right? It’s all bullshit. Spendin’ all your time trying to live up to what other people say you should be, trying to get a gulp of fresh air before you go under again, and then you die. And don’t give me that shit that it’s all about attitude. When was the last time you bought some fried chicken with a positive attitude? I do love me some fried chicken though. That’s about all you have, those little things that carry you through. And, even for that you need money, unless you want to be like your cousin Quentin, locked up at Rikers for stealing. So, what do you know about it? Always getting these grand ideas about things. What makes you so special? You are no better than the rest of us. You don’t know anything about it. Now be quiet. The service is about to start.”
The church organ began to play a soft church hymn. The congregation stood to sing; the wood of the wooden pews creaked and echoed in the big hall. Courtney looked down at the words of the hymn: “amazing grace, how sweet the sound to save a wretch like me.”
She thought about what her mother had just said as she read the words to herself. Thoughts rode around in her brain like wild mustangs. It was difficult for her to accept the confusion that is so much a part of life. It always created a tortuous conflict; it seemed that one was not meant to think too deeply about things in this life, even though so many things in this life are worth thinking deeply about.
She looked up to see Michael standing in the doorway looking at her. She was glad. He jerked forward a little as his father pushed him to get going. Courtney felt a pang in the pit of her stomach, knowing what it felt like to want to capture a moment while others simply hurry it along, honking, tapping, rushing, irritatingly waiting…to go nowhere, when love wants to linger.
Still, it was good to see a friendly face. Church made her uncomfortable. All of the primping and strutting and pretending to be holy. She hated hypocrites and church seemed like one of their hangouts. She had nothing against God. In fact, she always wondered if he really existed or if God could be a woman. But, church seemed like just another place where people bunch together like grapes simply to see and be seen.
Courtney smiled as Michael turned back to see her. He was dressed smartly in de la Renta and Zegna. James always insisted that he dress to impress. ‘The first impression is the only impression that counts,’ James often said. He was very fond of platitudes.
Michael and Courtney stole away when they could to a pre-arranged meeting place after service while the adults were still occupied with gossip and tall tales. It was one of their rare and cherished moments of joy when no one really cared where they were.
New York can be a magical and romantic place. The thoroughfares are dense with shops and street vendors that engulf passersby in the charm of the moment where there is nothing else in the world but New York. They especially liked to take the train to Coney Island. The ride was long and the subway travels above ground for a good part of the way.
Shadows from old red brick buildings zipped across the floor of the subway cars as it passed from the darkness and into the light. The clank of steel against steel created a soothing almost hypnotic rhythm in a symphony of shadows that stretched out to the bay and eventually into the wide sea.
“Look how fast the shadows shoot by,” Courtney said.
They nestled closer.
“Ouch.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Does that hurt?”
“Yes, a little.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing?”
“Did your father hit you again?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why won’t you let me help?”
‘’What can you do?”
“I don’t know. But, there must be something.”
“What can anyone do? Nobody really cares anyway. It’s all a big game to avoid facing the truth.”
“What is?”
“Everything. I mean my father is always talking about being a man. Be a man this, be a man that. I get so tired of hearing that crap. He is just like everyone else. Be this, be that, but they never tell you what it is that you are supposed to be. It’s bullshit. They only say it when they want you to be something they are not or when they want you to be something they should be but aren’t. You know, he hits me and then says not to cry. So, just what am I supposed to do? Laugh? It just seems to be is an excuse for me to accept his abuse so that he can use me to make himself feel better. That is what it is all about with people in this life of ours. Finding some excuse to do whatever they want with impunity. They want to cut, but in a way that doesn’t bleed or leave a scar.”
“But you don’t do that.”
“I know. I’m just saying people, humans in general. I’m a human, but I’m not like that. Neither are you. So what do we do?”
“I don’t know.”
Michael reached down to lift her chin up.
“I can see love in your eyes, love and tears. Did you know that?”
“Really?”
“They always seem to go together.”
They kissed.
“Look, we’re here.”
The garbled, crackling voice of the conductor announced Coney Island. It was the last stop.
“Why don’t they ever get that fixed? Courtney asked incredulously.
“I mean, what is the point of their announcements when you can’t understand a word they say? I’m from New York and I can’t understand him. I can only imagine what foreigners must go through.”
“Welcome to America.”
They descended the train. It was a cool autumn afternoon. The wind gently carried the smell of salt and the sea to far away places. Seagulls, clean and white, circled high overhead. Their pensive cries echoed out toward the sea, their thin shadows cutting across the smooth yellow sand and the pier as people passed by with red cotton candy and fluffy white animals.
They held hands while they looked out toward the foam of the breaking waves. There was a slight chill in the air, but the wind seemed to excite happy memories even ones that never existed, but were wished for so strongly that they appeared to be real, memories of lost time, miss opportunities, things that could have been and might still be.
“It feels good to stand next to you,” Michael said.
“I wish that this moment would never end.”
He put his arm around her and squeezed a little. She smiled.
“Me too.”
Why is it so hard to be kind and understanding?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know what I like about you?”
“What?”
“You’re honest. At least you try to understand. Whenever I ask a question like that, I usually just get yelled at.”
“I’ve noticed that too.”
“I guess that’s what people know, anger and fear. So, they defend it even if it is wrong.”
“I guess. It’s sad though.”
“What?”
“That they are destined to do the same thing over and over.”
“I know. But, what about us Michael. What will happen to us? Our parents won’t let us see each other anymore.”
“I know. Even though they don’t mind committing a few sins of their own, they make us feel that we are the sinners.”
“Its so hypocritical.”
“Well look at the two little love birds!”
They turned to see a group of kids from PS 130. Lynwood was speaking. He was big and tall with eyes that bugged out of his head, and when he spoke he rubbed between his legs as his sign of manhood and of being pleased with the sound of his voice.
They were in the same grade at school. Lynwood was the captain of the football team, and very popular because everyone loved football. Ugly and brash, he had an art for turning trivia into vulgar conversation, and everybody loved it. He made people feel comfortable by appealing to the basest within them. He had many friends. Everyone said that he would go far in life. They were probably right.
“What are you doing here?” Courtney asked.
“None of your business half-breed.”
“Oooo,” they all chimed with that grunt-like laugh of the not-too-smart. Michael grew tense.
“What are you going to do about it punk?” Lynwood turned to Michael.
“I thought so. You see what I mean? All of your fancy words don’t mean nothing when I can kick your ass the minute you open your mouth.”
They all laughed. Lynwood felt very proud of himself.
“Come Michael let’s go.”
“Yeah Michael, listen to your bitch before you get spanked. You know baby if you were mine, I would never let you get cold.”
Courtney yanked on Michael’s arm and began to lead him away.
“Aww! Leaving so soon?” Lynwood said. He was full of banality on that day. It was a day like any other.
“Do you mind if we leave?” Michael asked when they were far away from the crowd.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m just tired of all of this. Everybody always talks about life as if it is great or something. It just seems to be full of ugliness to me. I spend so much time trying to avoid the pain that others cause. Do you think that there could ever be a place where you don’t have to fight for love? I don’t know. Sometimes it seems stupid to ask questions like that because such questions just aren’t asked. Then on the other hand, I can’t help it. It’s the way I feel.”
“But, I love that about you Michael.”
“And, I appreciate that you do. But, it never seems to be enough because I still feel angry and frustrated so much of the time. Is it me? I want to be different. I try to be different. But, I just can’t be like them.”
He pointed back toward the group that they left behind.
“I wouldn’t love you if you were.”
“I know. But, I guess that I’m talking more about the fight within me. The fight I have every day that I go out into the world and face all of the things that I find to be insane and discouraging. To be honest, it disgusts me. It just seems that all people care about are their own wants and desires. They never give a damn about anyone else. It’s all about them. I mean, my father is the Deacon of the church, but all he wants to do is add another notch to his belt. He talks about us living in sin, but he never asks me about you or how we feel, and he never thinks twice about committing a sin for himself. God will forgive him but condemn me? He has all the answers without knowing. How typical is that? It makes me so angry sometimes.”
He turned to Courtney.
“Why can’t we just get away from here?”
“You mean run away?”
“Why not? Is it so wrong to be happy?”
“No, but what would we do?”
“Live the way we want, without guilt or fear.”
“I just don’t understand why good things have to be so hard.”
“It’s people. They make everything difficult. With all of their talk about humanity and friendship, it doesn’t exist. Maybe you are right. What is so great about this life of ours? Living to please everyone else. And the first time we live for ourselves, they make us feel dirty, like common criminals and tell us it is for our own good. Do you know what I think?”
“What?”
“They just say that so they can keep doing what they do without changing. I hate it.”
* * *
“Where the hell have you been? Did you hear me boy?”
“What difference does it make?”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“How can I if I am a dumb ass?”
“Are you looking for another beating?”
“Since when did you need an excuse for that?”
“What has gotten into you boy? Have you been smoking that crack, chronic or whatever the hell you kids call it?”
“Are drugs the only possible reason that I could speak up for myself?”
“What other reason would there be?”
“You have no idea do you?”
“So now you think that you’re smarter than me? I’m the one who brought you into this world and raised you with no help from a woman or from the State I might add. What could I possibly know? I’m just your father after all. I think that I know a few things about the world thank you very much. I know what you kids do nowadays, smoking that cheeba, doing body shots, having sex in hallways, disrespecting your elders. A life of debauchery; that is what you lead. I know all about it. What do you know about it?”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you. I sacrificed and toiled in bottom-feeder jobs for all of those years to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly and this is how you repay me.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“What do you mean that you didn’t ask me to do that? You ate the food didn’t you? You wore the clothes didn’t you?”
“What was I supposed to do? You said that God punishes people who kill themselves. So, I had to live didn’t I?”
“That is not the point.”
“What is the point?”
“I don’t apologize for anything I’ve done. I did the best that I could with the little I had. My father wasn’t worth a damn. He was either drunk or gone. The only time I saw him was when it was time to eat or on payday, my payday. Since he couldn’t hold a job, I had to earn money for the family. Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on a kid? But, I did it without complaint. So, don’t ask me what I know about it because I know plenty. You couldn’t do what I did.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know what you kids are like today. Your idea of hard work is to get up before noon. Your idea of a hard choice is Coke or Pepsi. Your idea of fun is drinking until you pass out. I know all about it.”
“And what about you? You preach all about sin and salvation when all you really want is another notch on your belt. You preach all about compassion and truth, and then you talk about people behind their backs. You talk about generosity and giving, and then you buy Movado watches and Volvos. You are such a hypocrite.”
As the words left his lips, Michael quickly realized what he had just said to his father. He felt shock, then joy, then fear. James clenched a fist and struck Michael in the eye. Lights twinkled in a vast darkness as Michael reflexively reached back while falling toward the island stove, his hand catching onto a knife there. Without thinking Michael’s hand grasped the knife as the world slowly came back into focus. Rage surged through his body in a hot flash, and he lashed out with the knife plunging it into the arm of his father. Blood began to soak through the cream-colored suit in a seeping crimson stain. James reached for the knife in his arm in utter dismay. When he finally looked up, Michael was gone and all James saw was the sunshine peering through the open door and the sound of little sparrows chirping. The world was oblivious to his pain.
* * *
Courtney was startled at the frantic knock on the wood of her window. She slowly arose and moved cautiously toward the sound. She peered out of the window and saw Michael. She was filled with joy and surprise. Sensing that something had happened by the look on his face, she lifted the window.
“Michael! Why did you climb all the way up here? You could have been hurt. Why are you breathing so hard?”
“I was running.”
“What happened?”
“Do you love me?”
“You know that I do. Why?”
“Did you mean what you said about going away with me?”
“I wish that we could.”
“Well, come with me.”
“Now?”
“Right now.”
“What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter. Will you come?”
“What about your father?”
“Forget about him.”
“Why, what happened.”
“Nothing. Are you coming?”
“But we need money. What about clothes?”
“Do you really want to be with me?”
“Yes.”
“Then come on!”
“Ok. Just a minute.”
Courtney disappeared for a moment and returned with a small black bag and a coat.
“Where are we going?"
“Away from here.”
“Grand Central?”
“Yes.”
The two left Courtney’s house, walked a bit, and caught the first bus after waiting a little while. They went to the back of the bus and sat quietly gazing out toward the front as the meaning of what they were doing started settling in. They arrived at Grand Central station at twilight.
“Where are we going?” Courtney asked.
“There!”
Michael pointed to the first train that he saw.
“Los Angeles? Is that where we are going?”
“No. It is just the first stop. From there we can go anywhere.”
“But where will we go from there?”
“Where we have always wanted to go.”
[1] Dedicated to Jacques Brel.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Cinderlla Man: Something to Believe In
Cinderella Man is a good movie. It is reminiscent of the American films from the golden age of American cinema that leave you feeling good inside. Cinderella Man is about overcoming obstacles and fighting for your beliefs. Without further research I cannot say that James J. Braddock was actually a man of as strong convictions as portrayed in the movie. Men of conviction are extremely rarely simply because the price of conviction is too high for most men. Society often rewards those who do the best at recycling at recycling convention. Beautiful women for example are not typically attracted to strong, independent men. Sure, they claim to like men of confidence. But, in reality beautiful women like most other elements of society are most confortable with the familiar, the nondescript, which essentially means weaklings.
To the extent that one is independent in his thinking, which a man of conviction is, the price is typically isolation and an inability to keep a "regular" job. And, it is not always a question of some esoteric conviction like a firm belief in orgies, it could be quite rational--not that orgies are necessarily irrational, but they are not exactly a conventional practice. It could be something as simple wanting to work hard to promote the company that you work for.
The convictions of hard work and decency--not the hollow buzz words that politicians bandy about during a campaign but rarely believe in and quickly forget about after the campaigning circus is over--but real work like the desire to present a knowledgeable, compassionate, competent employee to customers. That kind of conviction very often gets you fired. You are far more likely to be "successful" in the conventional sense if you simply go along with things and accept a general decay in competence, intelligence, and ability despite the bad impression such behavior gives to customers and others. I am speaking from experience here. I know how difficult it is to maintain a conviction, and the more rational the conviction, the more antagonistic people will tend to be toward it. Just shrug, laugh it off, and don't think to carefully about anything. That kind of conviction will make you more money than any of that misleading propaganda that parents, teachers, coaches, and just about everyone else are so quick to promote such as "all you need a dream and the desire to work hard to make it." Bullshit! First, you have to define what "making it" means. Usually it means to make a lot of money. That is the conventional sense. It is the sense against which most people will measure you: girls, banks, employers, friends, etc. How much money do you make? That is the big question. And, to make a lot of money in most circumstances means making those with the power to help you feel good. Again, there is nothing inherently wrong with this decision so long as you are honest about yourself and about what you are doing. Personally it disgusts me when people try to pretend that they are so selfless in what they do and think when in reality they are grotesquely self-serving; the charity is just a sham. But, the sham is really what rules in society. Wearing the mask. Deception. That is the true secret of "making it." Learning how to make your way in society while never letting anyone know what you really think despite the fact that almost everyone tells you to be honest and truthful. What they really mean is that you should be honest and truthful, but they can lie, cheat and steal at whim and it is all good because you shouldn't take things so seriously; and in being 'honest' or 'truthful' they mean tell us what we want to hear. That is how it works.
My martial arts teacher called it "the human racket." And, he was ever so right. Proof? When was the last time that you told someone who mattered: a boss, a parent, a lover what you really felt? And, if you did, what was the result? Probably disaster. I cannot count the number of times some lazy boss told me "we have an open door policy so that you can feel free to give us your honest opinion." Yeah, right. Translation: we have an open door policy alright so that we can find out whom we don't like and fire him. I am not talking about going around complaining to people as an example of truthfulness. Nobody likes that kind of a drag on life. I am talking about tactful honesty where you feel free to tell someone that you feel mistreated for example, and what is more the person actually take an interest in what you say. Perhaps he even makes an effort to do something about. Hardy, har, har. Fat chance. Most of the time if you try to tell someone that you feel mistreated, she looks at you like you are from Alpha Centuri--that is a galaxy far, far away.
Still think that society is not based on deception? Well, what about the propaganda on the legal system, the place where "justice" is supposed to be served? Since when was "justice ever really served in a courtroom? So, why not just call it what it is? It is not the justice system. It is simply a system of arbitration that is almost always a disaster for everyone involved--except lawyers and judges--and very often those who are the most decent and rational are the biggest losers. These are just a few of the things that make holding a conviction very difficult, and it is why the philosophy of war and self-defense are good ways to protect your convictions--and your sanity.
Movies like Cinderella Man are rare on the contemporary scene. It is reminiscent of the Classic movies especially American movies that had a wholesome, feel-good quality to them. It was an enlightened quality and it was commonplace in movies like High Noon, The Magnificent Seven, Man of the Thousand Faces, Angels with Dirty Faces, Captain Blood, The Sea Hawk, Dr. No, Goldfinger, From Russia with Love, and so many others.
Cinderella Man does something else that is quite understandable given the current cultural and intellectual climate. It makes you wonder is it really worth it to fight for something that you believe in? LSV
To the extent that one is independent in his thinking, which a man of conviction is, the price is typically isolation and an inability to keep a "regular" job. And, it is not always a question of some esoteric conviction like a firm belief in orgies, it could be quite rational--not that orgies are necessarily irrational, but they are not exactly a conventional practice. It could be something as simple wanting to work hard to promote the company that you work for.
The convictions of hard work and decency--not the hollow buzz words that politicians bandy about during a campaign but rarely believe in and quickly forget about after the campaigning circus is over--but real work like the desire to present a knowledgeable, compassionate, competent employee to customers. That kind of conviction very often gets you fired. You are far more likely to be "successful" in the conventional sense if you simply go along with things and accept a general decay in competence, intelligence, and ability despite the bad impression such behavior gives to customers and others. I am speaking from experience here. I know how difficult it is to maintain a conviction, and the more rational the conviction, the more antagonistic people will tend to be toward it. Just shrug, laugh it off, and don't think to carefully about anything. That kind of conviction will make you more money than any of that misleading propaganda that parents, teachers, coaches, and just about everyone else are so quick to promote such as "all you need a dream and the desire to work hard to make it." Bullshit! First, you have to define what "making it" means. Usually it means to make a lot of money. That is the conventional sense. It is the sense against which most people will measure you: girls, banks, employers, friends, etc. How much money do you make? That is the big question. And, to make a lot of money in most circumstances means making those with the power to help you feel good. Again, there is nothing inherently wrong with this decision so long as you are honest about yourself and about what you are doing. Personally it disgusts me when people try to pretend that they are so selfless in what they do and think when in reality they are grotesquely self-serving; the charity is just a sham. But, the sham is really what rules in society. Wearing the mask. Deception. That is the true secret of "making it." Learning how to make your way in society while never letting anyone know what you really think despite the fact that almost everyone tells you to be honest and truthful. What they really mean is that you should be honest and truthful, but they can lie, cheat and steal at whim and it is all good because you shouldn't take things so seriously; and in being 'honest' or 'truthful' they mean tell us what we want to hear. That is how it works.
My martial arts teacher called it "the human racket." And, he was ever so right. Proof? When was the last time that you told someone who mattered: a boss, a parent, a lover what you really felt? And, if you did, what was the result? Probably disaster. I cannot count the number of times some lazy boss told me "we have an open door policy so that you can feel free to give us your honest opinion." Yeah, right. Translation: we have an open door policy alright so that we can find out whom we don't like and fire him. I am not talking about going around complaining to people as an example of truthfulness. Nobody likes that kind of a drag on life. I am talking about tactful honesty where you feel free to tell someone that you feel mistreated for example, and what is more the person actually take an interest in what you say. Perhaps he even makes an effort to do something about. Hardy, har, har. Fat chance. Most of the time if you try to tell someone that you feel mistreated, she looks at you like you are from Alpha Centuri--that is a galaxy far, far away.
Still think that society is not based on deception? Well, what about the propaganda on the legal system, the place where "justice" is supposed to be served? Since when was "justice ever really served in a courtroom? So, why not just call it what it is? It is not the justice system. It is simply a system of arbitration that is almost always a disaster for everyone involved--except lawyers and judges--and very often those who are the most decent and rational are the biggest losers. These are just a few of the things that make holding a conviction very difficult, and it is why the philosophy of war and self-defense are good ways to protect your convictions--and your sanity.
Movies like Cinderella Man are rare on the contemporary scene. It is reminiscent of the Classic movies especially American movies that had a wholesome, feel-good quality to them. It was an enlightened quality and it was commonplace in movies like High Noon, The Magnificent Seven, Man of the Thousand Faces, Angels with Dirty Faces, Captain Blood, The Sea Hawk, Dr. No, Goldfinger, From Russia with Love, and so many others.
Cinderella Man does something else that is quite understandable given the current cultural and intellectual climate. It makes you wonder is it really worth it to fight for something that you believe in? LSV
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